1. This pint of water before bed will neutralise the 10 pints of Guinness
Bit of food to line the stomach, bit of water to flush the toxins out. Won't be a bother on me in the morning.
2. If I sleep till 10 that'll be a nice six hours
Sure that's all you need any night of the week.
3. Three hours later...
Jaysis I'm bursting for a whizz.
4. It's so bloody warm
Someone turn off the radiators...
5. Three more hours of trying to get back to sleep
OK, back to sleep. Why is my brain buzzing!?
6. Acceptance of the fact you'll never sleep again
Feck this, I'm getting up.
7. The false bravado
'Hello Mammy. No, I'm absolutely fine. Not a bother on me. Any craic at mass?'
8. To eat or not to eat, that is the where's the toilet?
9. I need a good sit down
The walk from the bedroom to the kitchen, and now into the living room was simply too much.
10. Is somone going to the shop? Can you get me a Lucozade?
And maybe a chicken fillet roll.
11. The examination of the wallet/purse
Oh no, this isn't going to be good.
12. 75,000 coins!
And yet somehow they only add up to €2.
13. The nagging sense of impending doom
I am such a terrible human being and nobody likes me.
14. Seven hours of watching shite on television
Oh, Friends is on again. Great...
15. Three of those hours are also spent watching Snapchat stories from the night before
You can almost see steam coming off the phone.
16. I'll get up in five minutes and cook dinner
'Someone put on the oven and preheat it.'
17. Orders pizza
Fuck it, I can't be arsed cooking.
18. Nightime is coming
19. Sick of watching television, let's watch Netflix instead ... on the television
Thankfully I'm finally achieving something with my day.
20. Sense of impending doom now unbearable
I'm going to be fired in the morning. I don't know why but it's going to happen.
21. Bed time
A good night's sleep will sort me out.
22. Lie awake all night dreading the next day
Right, 5am, if I get to sleep now I'll get two hours...
23. Get up feeling worse than you did yesterday
24. Slog your way through the day and sleep like a baby Monday night
25. Forget the events of the last 48 hours and get excited to go out again next weekend
Sure we'll go out Thursday, Friday AND Saturday! What's the worst that could happen?