There are celebrities, they are on the loose, they are rampant, and they have something that they would desperately like to promote. In order for them to do this, they have become ensconced - either of their own volition, or due to various contractual obligations - in the chat-show circuit. They may seem as though they would like to appear on these chat-shows simply to share with you, the viewer, a pithy anecdote about the time they accidentally drove over a hornet's nest in a golf-cart, or when they were accosted by an infuriated antique salesman at a car-boot sale, but this is little more than a front. The real reason for their visit is to help promote their latest film, album or home bee-keeping kit that they are releasing. Do not become distracted from this truth.
With that in mind, here's the line-up for tonight's Graham Norton Show. I cannot over-emphasise this point, and I will say it once, and once alone, so be sure to pay attention; there will be four celebrity guests lacquering themselves all over the sofa. If you are a fan of looking at elderly gentlemen who have somehow retained a level of muscle mass that is both frankly impressive, and slightly harrowing, then we have some entirely apposite news for you, Arnold Schwarzenegger will be on the show. He will be joined by Linda Hamilton famed for
the eponymous musical numerous acting credits, including as Sarah Connor in the Terminator series. The format of the show will have you believe that they are there to ply Graham, and the viewer, with hopefully pithy anecdotes. However, their real motives are to try promote the upcoming Terminator: Dark Fate which sees them both reprise their roles in the series.
Assuming that there is enough room left on the sofa, once Arnold Schwarzenegger's capacious shoulders are counted for, they are hoping to also have Debbie Harry and former Great British Bake Off star, Nadiya Hussain on the show.
Should this line-up not sate your indominable lust for celebrity, then there will also be music provided by DJ Spoony and none other than The actual Sugababes, who will be reuniting on the show.