Your annual calendar is separated into two seasons: iced and hot and you have two entirely different personalties, pre-coffee and post-coffee you. It doesn’t matter what your elixir of choice is, whether you prefer a Long Black or a Flat White, there are some things every single coffee lover just KNOWS to be true:
1. Size *does* matter
Because no one wants a small cup of coffee. Whoever said less is more, clearly wasn’t talking about caffeine.
2. It is acceptable to have 3 cups in a row
Maybe more if it’s a Monday.
3. Caffinated you and decaffeinated you are two VERY different people
Long live caffeine and it’s ability to turn you from unsociable and angry to witty and smart.
4. People joke that you’re an addict, you don’t entirely disagree
But as far as you’re concerned, there are a lot worse things to be addicted to.
5. Coffee is not a morning drink, it is an all day drink
In your world, it’s always coffee o’clock and there is no occasion which doesn’t call for coffee. Girls Night? Espresso martini. Birthday? Coffee cake. Just got dumped? Irish coffee.
6. You still choose to believe that Decaf is a joke
Get it away from us!
7. Anyone who tries to start a conversation before coffee will be shut down
Communication with other humans begins after your first coffee of the day.
8. You like coffee more than you like most people
Especially since, until you’ve had your morning coffee, you don’t like people at all.
9. Good coffee kind of turns you on
Some people go to strip clubs. You go to new cafes. In fact you probably spend more money in coffee shops than you do on bills, food and petrol combined.
10. The mere smell of it makes you melt with joy
All you need is the whiff to get the juices flowing.
11. Your camera role has more pictures of coffee than of you
Though in all fairness, coffee always looks good. You do not.
In fact you are certain that given enough coffee, there’s nothing you couldn’t do. Except perhaps, give up coffee. People are always telling you to drink “less coffee” and make comments like “you’ll never be able to get to sleep later” but that doesn’t matter, because nothing cures a terrible night’s sleep like more coffee in the morning. As vicious cycles go, this one sounds pretty good to you.