No I don't drink coffee, yes I am a superhuman. Deal with it.
Most importantly: if you rely on coffee to get you through the day, you are basically a weak human. Bow down to the caffeineless elite!
1) Starting the day with cereal/pancakes/bacon
2) Getting out of bed isn't even that difficult
Well, apart from maybe on Mondays...
3) There is actually no difference between any of these drinks
4) That if you pay more than €3 for a drink it should definitely contain alcohol
5) Being able to function without a warm, brown liquid makes you a superior being
6) Not crashing six times a day is really quite pleasant
7) Every time you tell someone you don’t drink the stuff you get a look of shock
"OMG wutttt how do you even live??!?!?"
8) And you’re bored of having to explain your reasons why not
Maybe a better question is why do you rely on it so much?
9) Life is better when you’re not constantly shaking
10) There are plenty of other things that can get you through a long day
Yep, even water can help keep you alert.
11) Starbucks, Costa, Caffe Nero etc. are all actually exactly the same
12) Not liking coffee does not make you a child
13) And there are plenty of other reasons to not drink it other than not liking the taste
Like, I dunno, NOT NEEDING IT?!
14) It doesn't even really smell that good
And the stench on your breath is gross, so please leave me alone.
15) You’ll probably live about 15 years longer than your coffee-drinking friends