We all know how awkward a taxi journey can be and the level of awkwardness usually depends on a couple of factors: how shy you are, how talkative the driver is or your level of inebriation. Regardless of the type of person you are, you are guaranteed to have said at least one of the following 11 classic things to a taxi drivers.
1. "Are you busy tonight?"
We all do it. Get into the back of the taxi, say the usual hellos and then, silence. The panic of what to say next subsides when you remember your hidden ammunition, the gem that is 'are you busy tonight?'. It gives you the time to think of a follow up question and who knows where the driver's answer will lead.
2. "What time do you finish at?"
This is another thirty second silence filler but a pointless question. Do you really care that he has just started and is working until six a.m.? No, me neither.
3. "What's your name Mr. Taxi man?"
This could be in two tones; shouting it in a giddy voice with a solid naggin in your system, while simultaneously squinting at the name card which you are seeing triple of OR a calm polite question with genuine interest. Usually the former.
4. "Where are you from?"
This follows on from the moniker question and is usually asked when said taxi man replies with an indecipherable name. It's usually followed by "have you lived here for long?" and "what do you think of Ireland?"
5. "Can we just stop at an ATM really quickly?"
If there's a group of you in the taxi, this is one of those things that bugs the ones not needing money. It might be just a quick pit stop but for those who bothered getting their funds organised prior to heading out, having to pull over and wait for you is just prolonging their journey to Coppers.
6. "Is town busy tonight?"
Does it matter? You're not going to tell him to turn back if he says it's wedged and you won't get in anywhere, but it's another silence filler.
7. "Oh I LOVE this song, turn it up Mr. Taxi man!"
Irrespective of the fact he/she has told you their name, you proceed with the Mr./Mrs. Taxi man/woman routine and squeak in their ear to turn up the music which you then proceed to belt out at the top of your lungs even though you haven't a note in your head. You ARE Beyoncé and no one can tell you otherwise.
8. "I'll give you a tenner if you drop me into town"
Regardless of the fact that almost every taxi has a meter, you chance your arm anyway and think that by offering him double digits it sounds better when meter-wise you're a solid €16 from the outskirts of town. Worth the try though.
19. "I'm not going to get sick, sure I'm not even drunk"
Yeah, you're fooling no one. The fact you can't even sit up straight or say the above phrase without slurring your words says it all really. You will make it five minutes in a moving car before shouting "PULL OVER NOW". Classy.
10. "How much do I owe you?"
Sometimes after the hellos this is the only other interaction you will have with the driver and even though we can all see the meter we still ask the question.
11. "Keep the change pal"
You're feeling sound and in a good mood after a few drinks, or maybe you just had an enjoyable taxi journey. If it's the first, the chances are there's no change or else a pathetic 20c but you feel as if you have just given him a month's wages and if it's the second you're just a good person.