Killing A Sacred Cow: 12 Reasons The 12 Pubs Of Christmas Is Shite

Killing A Sacred Cow: 12 Reasons The 12 Pubs Of Christmas Is Shite

The human experience is often defined by our relationships, our ability to overcome and the social occasions that mark our life journeys.

One event that is often overlooked for its ability to create unnecessary stress for people across the globe is the annual 12 Pubs of Christmas. If you can survive this, you can do pretty much anything in life:

1) Planning A Route:

Choosing the pubs before you go out means planning the night out. Number one rule of every night out: be spontaneous.


2) The Jumpers:


Walking from pub to pub and sweating in a cheap polyester fabric isn't a good look for any unfortunate soul.

3) ' The RULES':

Nobody cares whether or not they're the first to break the seal you absolute joke of a human. If a night consists of a long list of "rules" that dictate how much you're allowed drink you may toss that night straight in the bin.


4) Queuing For A Drink:


If you're searching for a pub to stand in for half an hour to get a round of drinks then you're wasting your life.

5) The Person Who Doesn't Get You Back In The Round:

You know the one.


6) The Chaos Of "Moving On":


X is in the corner getting the shift, Y is queuing for the bathroom and you're stuck in the smoking area trying to breathe through your skin tight jumper. By the end of the night, it's more like three pubs and a cheesy garlic chip.

7) The Lack Of Funds:

There couldn't be a worse time to go on a pub crawl then the month that you spend every single cent you own on everyone you care about.


8)  Getting Soaked To The Bone:


On top of the rules, the "have you got a smoke?" and "who's round is it?", your journey from pub to pub has left you with frostbite and the lingering scent of wet dog.

9) Walking For Miles In Painful Shoes:

While the lads inevitably freeze, women who wear heels are left to drag themselves through the streets of a city as strangers look on, mesmerised by their abilities to stand.


10) Christmas Songs That Never End:


All I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to stop profiting off one song and actually make a decent album.

11) The Irish Goodbye:

One person will make the very grown-up decision to disappear before the inevitable black out.


12) The Twelve-Day Hangover:

The cherry on top of your sweet, sweet experience is the obscene hangover you'll have from trying to squeeze in as many shots in as many pubs as humanly possible. There is a significant danger that the hangover will leave you floored for up to 12 days.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!

Also Read: Gollum Plays A 'Precious' Theresa May In Campaign Video Against Brexit

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Garret Farrell

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