The female psyche is a weird and wonderful place. On a night out, a woman's personality may transform and take a new lease of life. When drink is thrown into the mix it can go 13 ways. This can be the making or breaking of a girl. And if you happen to have the misfortune of turning into all 13 types...God help you. But, if you find that you are the type of drunk you didn't want to be, just remove yourself from the situation. Run like the wind and get a taxi home. It is much better than waking up with the ultimate fear and wishing you could erase everyones memory of the night before.
1) The 'Sob Story'
The 'Sob Story' girl will take residence in the bathroom permanently. To avoid contact, don't look her directly in the eye. If you see her puppy dog eyes, it will make you feel insecure and very sorry for her. Also, watch out for the 'Sob Story' girl in the bathroom queue, she will target those who are by themselves and say "Can I go in with you?". What seems like a pleasant invitation to be out of there faster, will turn into a 40 min lecture of her telling you how awful someone is. This will make you sober and put you on a severe downer buzz.
CAN BE FOUND: Bathroom stalls or bathroom queues
2) The 'Drama Queen'
This girl will be a true exaggerator. Exaggeration can be fine if it is for comedic effect but when a 'Drama Queen' is wearing your ear off about what that girl just said to her, it is not fun. She will say things like "Oh my god see that girl over there (points very obviously), she just came up to me and said I was fat, minging and should be locked up". When in reality she asked if she could take your place at the bar when you leave. This girl she is referring to is her ex boyfriends new girlfriend...big coincidence...not really.
CAN BE FOUND: At the bar or in the smoking area
3) The 'Sleaze'
Sleaze is not a term just related to guys. Girls can be the biggest sleazes going and you will see many on a night out. And, when this is a girl who just can't be slick for the life of her, it can be extremely obvious. The 'Sleaze' is very drunk and doesn't realize what she is doing half the time. Men out there if a sleaze approaches you try to be polite but, like with the 'Sob Story', no direct eye contact. Once they get a glimpse of hope they will grind up on you with no shame or regret.
CAN BE FOUND: At dark corners or on your way to the bathroom
4) The 'I'm Not Drunk'
This is fairly self explanatory. There is always one girl that will be outrageously drunk. She is sitting in the corner crying to her friends about how she is not drunk and saying stuff like "Whyyyyy are people being so mean? I'm swear to drunk I'm not God". She is drunk, very drunk and her emotions are the only thing that can control her now. She may act fine for a moment but within 30 seconds she is back blubbering...a lot.
CAN BE FOUND: At a table or in a booth
5) The 'Bitch'
She will slag you. She will intimidate you. She will reply to everything you say with a sly and sarcastic comment. Be warned, if you are standing beside this bitch on a night out, she will ruin you too. You will either be questioned why you are friends with her or be casted as a bitch too. Either way just stay the hell away from her.
CAN BE FOUND: Everywhere. This bitch can navigate.
6) The 'Houdini'
This girl will be great fun at pre drinks. But once that vodka touches her lips she has one idea, and one idea only. She will arrive at the club, play nice for 30 minutes max and then slip away and never return. She disappears and you may get a message the next day saying "Sorry I left so early, I was too pissed'.
CAN BE FOUND: Nowhere...she's already left.
7) The 'My Life Is Over'
This girl is similar to the 'Drama Queen' when pissed. She is drunk and feeling very sorry for herself. "Why me??" is a phrase regularly used. Once she has started crying, there is no stopping her. She is crying over the stupidest things: she is hungry, she is tired, she hasn't finished her essay that's due in 5 weeks. The 'My Life Is Over' girl needs to remove herself...and fast.
CAN BE FOUND: At the bar or in a booth
8) The 'Life & Soul Of The Party'
This girl is having all the laughs. She's dancing, downing shots and generally doesn't give a rats ass what you think of her. Every guy and girl want to hang out with her. She is all you want to be and more. This drunk is the perfect drunk. We all bow to your greatness.
CAN BE FOUND: On the dance floor or at the bar
9) The 'Psycho'
Some girls would say and do things when they are drunk that they wouldn't dream of doing sober. You know someone around you is the dreaded 'Psycho' drunk if they are staring at you, giving you filthy looks and shouting unnecessary things. She may not be your friend but there is always at least one in a nightclub.
CAN BE FOUND: Smoking area, the bar or the seating area
10) The 'Sleeping Beauty'
This girl has had the one too many and has found herself asleep in the corner. Her friends are trying to wake her up and make her drink the pint of water they got from the bar. There is always a 'Sleeping Beauty' and it is never amusing if it is your friend and you're stuck taking care of her.
CAN BE FOUND: In any cushioned area
11) The 'Grump'
The 'Grump' is not in a good mood in the slightest. She will do everything in her power to drag someone down with her. She will be going down with many fights and doesn't care who is involved. Instead of taking herself home, she stays and annoys all who approach her.
CAN BE FOUND: On a seat alone
12) The 'Secret Spiller'
Tonight is the night where the 'Secret Spiller' let's it all out. BE WARNED she may let something slip about you that is not for public consumption. When you see her start to get mouthy and saying things like "I was sworn to secrecy but...", stop her. Stop her right now. God knows what she will say next.
CAN BE FOUND: At the bar or in the toilets
13) The 'Confident Soul'
This woman has had a drink and is now transformed. She is feeling confident, proud and, most importantly, she can walk in those high heels like she has never walked before. She is calm, collected and loving life.