We all know that banter among your guy friends is unbeatable, and a lads' holiday is the pinnacle of your summer fun! Here is a fantastic summer checklist that you should use for your lads' holiday! How many of these can you accomplish?
19. Fill your friend's suncream with Deep Heat.
Irish guys need two things when they are going away to the sun - alcohol and suncream. And you better not mess with either of them. Swap his suncream for Deep Heat and he'll be burning and itching in agony! It works doubly well if he has some allergic reaction to the Deep Heat. Might be a bit TOO harsh if he does though.
18. Pull an all-nighter.
At least one all nighter on your summer holiday is crucial. You can't be going to bed at 3am and calling it a night! Sure you're only here for one or two weeks.
17. Finish a fish-bowl cocktail yourself.
A delicious, mammoth task that will surely leave you in tatters. Do not ever underestimate the potency of a cocktail, even if you "can't even taste the alcohol..."
16. Teabag a sleeping friend.
Well, I'm not encouraging you to do this, but I'm just saying it happens. It happens a lot on lads' holidays, unfortunately.
15. Get a burn that your friends can be envious of.
If there's one thing Irish people are utterly awful at, it's tanning. We don't tan, we BURN! So you may as well try and outburn your mates so at least you can say you beat them at something.
14. DO rent a jet ski.
Why? Because they're awesome. Nobody has ever had a bad time on a jet ski.
13. Get a holiday rep to curse at you.
We all know that holiday reps can be the worst cretins that society has to offer. They're like pestering rats and vulchers, leeching onto you at every turn. But it's fun to take the piss out of them.
12. Consume a beer with every meal for the whole holiday.
This is what I like to call the heavyweight challenge. It's not as easy as some of you might think. Beer with breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, and any other meal you may have in-between.
11. Walk into your friend's apartment and clog their toilet.
Another "lad" power move you can do to disrupt your friend's apartment and have them gagging through their holiday, while they fight over who did it. It couldn't be you, sure you don't even live there?
10. Get laid (it's a given)
You want to be seen as the guy who can talk the talk AND walk the walk. All the talk, anticipation and build up before your lads' holiday about how many girls you will pull will be horribly embarrassing if you come home without having pulled a muscle.
9. Win some sort of pointless party competition.
You know the types. Who can drink the most beer and dive through the pool hoops, who can do the most keepy-ups with the pool volleyball etc.
8. Sex on the beach.
Like the song, not like the cocktail. Because let's face it - you're not going to have sex on a beach in Ireland! And if you do, I'm sorry.
7. Survive a 48 hour session, without sleeping.
This is possibly the hardest task on this list to complete. It's not healthy, or good for you and I wouldn't "recommend" it. But it is a kind of alluring human challenge. That second night out will be among the most difficult of your life.
6. Barter (and barter well) with a lucky lucky man.
Spend no more than 5 euro and come away with at least one pair of ridiculous sunglasses for all of your friends, a light-up dradle and one of those stupid, twirly, clappy things.
5. Fall asleep on a sunbed after a night out.
Waking up you'll be the first man down at the pool. No need to put out your towel beforehand to save yourself a seat. You're already there, with your morning glory to scare off all the families unfortunate enough to stay in the same apartment complex as you. You're wreaking of drink and lie spread-eagled across two sunbeds, not remembering how you managed to get there. Success!
4. Inject superglue into all your friend's condoms.
Is there a friend staying with you that you REALLY dislike or feel the need to get back at? Well, fear no more. This feat will not only stop him from getting laid, but also leave his johnson in a wretched condition. A funny hospital journey may be on the cards, and he'll more than likely be MIA for the remainder of the holiday. Well, for any sexual encounters at least.
3. Complete a walk of fame.
Yes girls, you heard right. Walk of "fame." Why is it that a girl sleeps around and she's a slut but when a guy does it he's a hero? We don't know, we don't make the rules. But we do agree that they are unfair.
2. Go for a night time skinny dip.
You have to check this off your list. You only live once, YOLO! Ahem (pretend you didn't just say that) ...
1. By some miracle, arrive home without an STI.
It's called Shagaluf for a reason. But whether you're going to Crete, Magaluf, Ibiza, or any choice lad holiday destination, there's testosterone and pheromones whizzing around the air and sex on tap. Just hope that you don't come home with an unwanted present!