Do you stockpile photos for a rainy day, or freak out when your most recent upload gets more than 5 likes? Have you got the perfect hashtag worked out for when you get engaged? (Even though you aren’t particularly committed to that guy). Is the worst thing imaginable accidentally leaving your phone at home? Because if you didn’t Instagram it, did it ever really happen?
1. You take an uninterrupted ten minutes to settle on a filter.
Well, there are over twenty of them! It’s an all-encompassing experience where 10% of the time you end up removing the filter completely and sticking with your original.
4. Nothing gets in the way of your perfect shot.
You’ve probably been injured, in immediate danger or ridiculed in your conquest for something ‘gram-able’ You know that you look like an absolute tool, but you have faith that it’ll all be worth it. Please be worth it.
5. You’ve experienced lockjaw.
(From keeping your smile in place for so long) Obviously. (dirt bird.)
6. You live for those orange notifications.
You sit there legitimately thinking, “ten likes huh? I’m practically a viral prodigy” and plot death for ‘that friend’ who receives hundreds per picture. Not. Fair.
7. Throwing a hissy fit is a very real option when you discover that an amazing picture failed to load.
“My Internet connection is fine. I have 4G. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?”
8. You read all the comments on celebrities’ pictures.
Although only to LOL at the trolling and definitely not get any inspiration…
9. Your selfie skills have become an art form.
10. You use the 'square' setting on your phone.
Now EVERY picture you take fits onto instagram. You’re a f**king intellectual.
11. You can't stop taking pictures of food.
Your food, your friend’s, or even a stranger’s food. It doesn’t matter. If a meal is camera worthy, you’ll make sure it’s shown off all over your favourite social media platform. #foodporn.
12. You have all the add-ons.
Boomerang, layout, the ‘slow motion’ function in your camera settings, and you use them wayyyy more than necessary. There’s a very real possibility that you actually irritate people with your Instagram flamboyance.
13. You wish you were better at yoga and had more money.
But not because you want to live a healthier, more enriched lifestyle. It’s just so you can create an incredible Instagram feed.
14. Your phone has been to some dangerous places.
To the brink of the bathtub and beyond, it’s lucky you haven’t dropped it yet. Oh, you have?
15. You were chuffed when Twitter changed their 'star' to a 'heart'.
All the planets aligned and your OCD senses tingled. It was perfect.
16. Your dream job is getting paid to Instagram.
17. You stealth delete any images that bomb.
One like? Or NONE? This cannot be happening to you, and you won’t let it. A picture that flunked doesn’t define you, but it will wake you up at 2am in cold sweats.
18. You've accidentally double tapped a REALLY old photo.
Bustedddd. You’ve been ousted as a stalker and this memory will now rear it’s head at the most inappropriate times of your life; job interviews, weddings, the birth of your first child…
19. You have Insta friends.
They’re probably on the other side of the world so you’ve most likely never met them, but you have a rapport and they get you more than anyone else ever will (they basically ‘double tap’ anything you upload).
20. You announce anything of importance on Instagram.
21. You’re addicted to stalking that one person.
And you’re not sure why. Nevertheless you’re enchanted with everything they do and despite living vicariously through their account, you’ve never given kudos for any of their snaps. Instead, you silently lurk, watching and waiting.