Ever felt that you don't match the requirements of the basic lady etiquette? You are not alone! Here at College Times we understand that the pressure on a woman to act lady-like can be a bit unfair. However, as much as some of us lovely ladies try to join in on the good manners and tidy hair, the universe turns around and says no. Here are the 26 signs that the lady life isn't for you.
26. You're Unwillingly 100% Accident Prone
You're covered in bruises, leaves in your hair and probably covered in bird faeces and it's only 2pm on a Monday. Overall, the universe does nothing for your grace and poise.
25. You Probably Fall Over A Lot Too
No doubt you do: us class of girl literally can't help it! Maybe it's our feet, maybe it's because we're thinking about cheeseburgers or were wearing shoes too high for us, either way we've fallen over so many times that there's just no point mentioning it to anyone anymore.
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24. For You, There Is No Dancing Etiquette
The music flows through you, making your limbs do whatever feels good: however, this usually results in smacking numerous people in the face, people taking pictures of you and of course, falling over.
23. You Can't Help But Get Anxious Going To Formal Events
You feel like you've completely forgotten any kind of lady training you were given growing up. All you can do is at least try to look like lady, hope there's only one kind of fork, knife, spoon and not make a fool out of yourself.
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22. You Rock The "I've Just Rolled Out of Bed Look" Pretty Well
The fact that this "look" became a thing was incredibly convenient to you. Often enough people ask what hair product do you use to get that Russell Brand look, the answer always being "I just don't brush my hair.".
21. Telling People About Your Bodily Functions Is In No Way "Oversharing" To You
Telling people about how many poos you had today, showing friends the scab that just fell off your knee, or generally anything which the majority of people feel uncomfortable talking about. It's typical of you to break conversational boundaries without even thinking about it.
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20. Exercise Isn't Really Your Thing
Hahahaha. Not to mention you've never been to an aerobics class, the thought of spin class exhausts you and you pretty only exercise when you realise you've gained some unwanted pounds. Why can't we just fried chicken and suffer no coincidences?
19. Your Mother Is Constantly Throwing Shade At You
"Would you not wear something a bit more... feminine?"/"You'd probably have a boyfriend if you didn't look like a lesbian.". Yep, mothers have no shame in telling us what they think of our appearance. They miss the days when they could dress you in whatever pink stuff they wanted. She respects your independence, but that doesn't stop the judgemental looks.
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18. You'd Rather Wear Tights Than Shave Your Legs
Ugh the weekend is upon us and you've a few social engagements to attend. Depending on the season, the amount of tights you have that don't have holes in them, and your energy levels you might shave your legs. It's just so devastating when you shave your legs, and it wasn't worth it.
17. You Identify More With J-Law More Than You Should
Everybody loves J-Law, they think she's so quirky and cute. But to you she's essentially your better looking famous twin: she's lazy, falls over a lot, and loves pizza. But she gets away with it: tell us how J-Law.
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16. ... And Liz Lemon
"Will there be free food?". Food on our planet is the centre of the world, no doubt you watch food shows all day long, and get insanely jealous of Man vs. Food's - Adam Richman. Liz, like us, makes most of her decisions around her appetite, and there's nothing wrong with that.
15. You Don't Understand The Concept of Eating Lettuce
WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED THE LEAVES?
14. You Own More Underwear With Cartoons Characters On Them Than Thongs Or Anything Involving Lace
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Underwear with Kermit the Frog on them are cute! Plus they're way more comfortable that a string inserting itself in between your buttcheeks. The only down side is that some men might consider you to be somewhat of a child. Let's be honest, if they can't appreciate that you have the cookie monster on your ass then you don't need them.
13. You're Secretly Proud of Your Ability To Burp The Alphabet
Most people can't do that! Or at least the whole thing... All I know is that I don't have any other party trick and this one always impresses people, even the lads!
12. Drinking Rosè Is The Closest You Come To Anything Pink
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Nothing against pink, we just don't tend to wear much of it. Rosè is alcoholic, and by no means should it be discriminated against for being pink, but it's definitely the most pink thing in our lives.
11. Swearing Like A Sailor Is Just How You Speak
We know other words, but when you fall over all the time and constantly fumble into situations with the least amount of grace, you curse a whole fucking lot!
10. You Don't Use Cutlery As Much As You Probably Should
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I didn't know eating pizza with a knife and fork is a thing? Why is it a thing? The one food you're allowed use your hands to consume and the mannerly folk take it away from us... it's not fair.
9. Finding Food In Your Hair Is A Daily Occurrence
You could have dinner, really focus on your food to mouth motor skills with you hair in a towel and still manage to find bits of cornflakes in it. Another minor mishap in the life of struggling lady.
8. You Sometimes Forget Basic Manners
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People who are not completely forward with you piss you off. In order to get answers you sometimes forget to ask politely. You often confront the pink elephant within the room much to the annoyance of others, but you honestly couldn't give a flying fuck.
7. Waking Up With Food In Your Bed After A Night Out Is Nothing Out Of The Ordinary
It's happened to the best of us. Your eyes open, the room foggy in your sight, curdled up a ball you can't help but feel the remains of that 4am Big Mac accompanying you in the bed. *sigh*
6. Your Beauty Regime Involves Just Washing Your Face & Brushing Your Teeth
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You've done the odd face mask here and there, but the basic hygienic requirements are all you feel is necessary. You over hear people talking about facial treatments, sprays and nail stuff. Not to mention you think spa treatments are a waste of money.
5. You Can Never Remember The Difference Between A Manicure & A Pedicure
You just keep forgetting. You've never gotten either and never plan on getting it done, so naturally it just slips out of your mind. Poof...
4. Jewellery Annoys You
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You lose earrings, bracelets annoy you and you constantly get yourself tangled in necklaces so why bother with them. You admire girls who are able to accessorise without pain and wish you could manage that level of style. Unfortunately your brain can't comprehend this sort of thing.
3. Matching Clothes Is A Challenge
Sometimes you genuinely don't know if you're dressed kind of cool and quirky, or just look like a homeless psycho weirdo that passers-by want to avoid. It can be a complete guessing game. Not to mention that our socks never match.
2. Photos Of You On Nights Out Are Usually Ten Times Worse Than Most People's
You were sticking out your tongue way before Miley ever did it, and that's considered your most graceful pose. Usually you spend your Sunday afternoons untagging photos of you on Facebook, praying that none of your friends will make that picture their profiler. Why can''t I be normal!?!
1. But At Heart You Know You'd Couldn't Be Happier Being Any Other Way
Sure look, at the end of the day you're able to turn around and laugh at yourself. You see your life as a show on comedy central and you'd prefer to have food in your hair everyday for the rest of your life rather than try to be anyone else. Plus we have way more fun than ladies.
