Valentine's Day is here. For some, February 14th means romance and roses and chocolates. For others, Valentine's Day means romantic disaster. It's a great day for a woeful first date, and in honour of all of the terrible first dates that are taking place this week, we decided to scour the internet for the worst first dates stories out there.
Be warned: some of these are excruciating.
1. We've all been on bad dates. But we rarely get direct feedback about how bad the date went. This person found out all about it.
Immediately after the date, I spent 20 minutes complaining via WhatsApp about how bad the date was. I thought I was talking to my friend with the same name as my date. It was my date and not my friend.
2. Alcohol can be an essential way to cope with the awkwardness of a first date. But too much alcohol can lead to a first date to forget.
The woman I went out with got drunk at the bowling alley (this is before dinner). Then had me drive her around to find a “shoe horn” to take off her shoe because she “could not do it without it”. We drove around looking for a place that sold them for 2 hours.
— Stephen Hall (@StocksAllUp) April 1, 2019
3. Tinder can be a great way to meet new people. But inevitably, you're going to meet a few headbangers, as this person on reddit found out.
A couple of years ago I dabbled a bit with Tinder. Met one guy who was super cute, traveled a lot, and seemed interesting. I suppose "interesting" was one word I could use to describe him.
We start the date by getting lunch and a few beers at my favorite spot in town. We were chatting away and the topic of daydreaming came up. I asked him what he daydreamed about.
His eyes then get a bit dark and his voice gets low as he says, "When I daydream, I imagine the light leaving my enemy's eyes."
By this point I was a few beers in and didn't know what to say. I respond with, "Oh...so uh, how do you do it?"
He looks away, ponders for a second and says, "Harpoon."
The rest of the date was spent with him talking to me about his extensive anger issues and how he still lives with and hooks up with his ex. Hell, he had just hooked up with her before he came to meet up with me.
That was when I decided to stop using Tinder.
4. First impressions are so important on a first date. So make sure not to injure any animals...
He swerved into oncoming traffic to hit a squirrel. I made him let me out of the car and he hung around trying to guilt trip me. Bad move on his part - the person I'd called for a ride was my mother, who turned out to have been his teacher in middle school.
— Sarah 🐈🧵☕🎮📚👠🐉 (@sosomanysarahs) April 1, 2019
5. ...and whatever you do, don't run over her cat!
Ran over her cat... RIP Snickers
6. It's natural to feel anxiety before a first date, but if you lose bodily control, that could be curtains
I was so nervous I threw up on him and myself. No second date.
7. But in some cases, an Irish goodbye is the only way to deal with a first date
There was a couple sitting at the bar, very clearly on a first date. About 20 minutes later I was back in the kitchen rolling silverware and the guy comes running back into the kitchen and says, “is there an exit back here?!” Didn’t wait for a response, saw the exit sign, and bolted out the back door.
8. First dates are all about discovering what makes another person tick. Sometimes that can be pretty surprising, as this reddit user found out.
First date. Met a woman for a drink. Asked if she wanted to grab appetizers. She asked where I had in mind. I asked what she was in the mood for.
She, horrified by me seeking her input, looked aghast and said “I’m not into all that women’s lib sh**.”
Elapsed date time: 30 mins
— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) April 1, 2019
9. On Valentine's Day, it doesn't matter what country you come from, as long as you speak the language of love. Reddit user brokebackhill however found out that language can be a massive stumbling block on a first date
A cute-ish guy approached me at a foreign film screening at my university in Arizona and asked me out in French, which was the language of the film. I spoke college level French, so I accepted the offer of a date. I mean, he was kind of cute. When he picked me up that Friday night, he greeted me with "Guten tag!" Okay, cute, a reference to the foreign film screening, right? Nope. From that moment on he spoke nothing but clumsy German all night long. He took me to Blockbuster (I'm old) and we rented a German film. He spoke German to the cashier. He spoke German through dinner. He spoke German while watching the film. He tried to get to first base in German. And yes, this whole time I was telling him repeatedly that I don't speak German, I can't understand him, etc. He just responded in German. But the weirdest moment was when his roommate came home as I was awkwardly leaving (my date was trying to convince me to stay, in German) and my date interrupted our "conversation" to say in a perfectly normal Arizona accent, "Hey man, what's up?" And then turned beck to me and continued to speak German. Oooooookaaaay.
Hopefully these disastrous dates will inspire you this Valentine's Day. Bad first dates happen every day. They may even happen to you. Don't despair if it all goes wrong, though. At least you can share it all with the internet once it's over.