1) The Wooden Spoon
Nothing put the fear of god in you as a child than one of your parents suggesting the wooden spoon. You could feel your arse redden at the mere mention of this common kitchen utensil
2) Kissing Granny
You shrug left, she moves with you. You try to swallow your own lips, but to no avail. She's planting a big wet, sloppy kiss right on your mouth. Sometimes I still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about it.
3) The Imaginary Wolves That Were Outside
Ah yes, the imaginary wolves that were outside. They only come out at night, and when you were alone in the house. And when you needed to go outside for something.
4) Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
Way too scary for your fragile little mind.
5) When Some One Caught You Doing Knick Knocks
There's always one neighbour who is too quick on the draw and catches you out.
6) Making The Step Up To Secondary School
I remember when I made the step up, my friend told me my head would be stuck down the toilet and my shirt would be ripped from my body every day. Granted it didn't turn out to be as bad in my mind but then nothing rarely does.
7) The Principle
One of the first major authority figures in your life. I can still recall my old headmaster pointing in my direction and gleefully saying 'Lines copy please'.
8) The Bold Corner/Step/Wall
Always full of the dregs of the class. If you weren't worried about getting in a fight with the rest of the bully boys then you were sure as shit scared of the wrath of mammy once she got wind of your misdemeanours.
9) Mr. Blobby
Was there ever a more hideous, evil abomination of a character ever created? The stuff of nightmares.
Why did your parents let you buy these books? Have they no cop on at all, at all?