You're in a busy city. Let's just say it's Dublin (the rest of the Irish ones are shite… Well Limerick's alright) and you're late for something. You could be late for a Snow Blow pick up, an appointment with an escort, a white supremacists group meeting or the Fine Gael Ard Fheis. It doesn't really matter what evil or morally wrong activity you're up to, the point is you're late and you need to get there fast. So imagine your disheartenment at the city streets being flooded with dickhead pedestrians who have an utter disregard for their fellow pedestrians. These ignorant specimen can be split into four different groups which I have outlined below. So when you're out an about, avoid these pricks at all cost.
1) People With Buggies
If there's anything worse than talking to a new parent it's having to share a footpath with them. A buggy is more of a battering ram than a toddler's mode of transport. Not only will parents use this hideous abomination (I mean the buggy, not the baby. Jeez!) to snap at your heels, cut you off and plough into other pedestrians they also use them as makeshift stop signs when crossing the street. "They can't run me over. I have a baby." You can't argue with that logic… Well you can but you’ll have to do it in court in front of a judge.
"In my defence your honour... Babies are... easy... to run over...?"
2) Tourists
Yes, I know it's great that they're pumping money into the economy and we overcharge them but they still keep coming back for more but sweet non-existent baby Jesus they're shit pedestrians. "Let's stop here and take a picture of this Spar. Oh look! A generic looking pub" *Snap* *Snap* "Wow! A heroin addict! Get the camera out."
"Quick pose with him before he catches the dragon."
3) The Wanderers
You know the type: they don't know quite where they're going and in the meantime they're going to be a complete pain in your hole. Most of these are culchies, who are only "up to the big shmoke for the day to get a few thrinkets for the family. Meccano for the kids and a fine frock for the auld lady." More importantly, they're less then efficient about finding out where to go so they keep to a snail's pace, usually in your way.
4) Chuggers
Ok, technically the charity mugger isn't a pedestrians but this shower of c**nts deserve an honourable mention. It's not a real job. Honestly, anyone could do it. A chimpanzee could do it. I will have more respect for you if you sign on rather than be a chugger. The abuse they receive is warranted. "Sorry, I'm late for something bro... wait! Fuck off and get a real job!"
"All you need is my debit card and I can save all the things? I'd rather give it to a ponzi scheme thanks!"
Heed my advice people. That being said, don't go out pushing over prams, fighting tourists or hurling abuse at chuggers. Unless you want to, I suppose.
