Life

"What Even ARE Taxes?": 27 Questions Every 'Almost Adult' Has Asked

"What Even ARE Taxes?": 27 Questions Every 'Almost Adult' Has Asked

As part of the millennial generation, there are a lot of things that separate me from my mom, let alone my grandmother. We are considered the boomerang kids since many of us will probably move back in with our parents before starting our own lives. And I can see that. I don't exactly know much about post-secondary education outside of the United States, but for the most part, I've been told it's cheaper. But, in the U.S. it is the downfall for most college students and the start of many problems. I am turning 21 in two months and three days (no, I am not counting) and have realized maybe only one thing: I am not an adult and that's ok (kind of). Here are 27 signs you're not a real adult:


 

 

1. Yeah, staying out late is nice...but how do I make appointments?


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2. Balancing a checkbook? Does that actually do anything? I know how much money I have...and how much I don't. Does that count? Is that it? Help...


 

 

3. How do I make sure I don't get sick?

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4. Okay...and since that didn't work out, how do I make myself feel better now that I am sick?


 

5. How do I keep an entire apartment clean all the time?

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6. How do I find a job? How do I broadcast my desperation and need for money without sounding too desperate? Screw that, I'm really fucking desperate. 


 

7. Do you know grandma's soup recipe? I miss her soup...


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8. What are taxes exactly? Like, how do I do...taxes? This is 'taxing'. Not even sorry....


 

9. Wait, so I need to sign a paper that says I need to die in order to not pay off my loans? Jessssssus.


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10. And how do I not die...and not pay them off? You've got to know a way around this. Anyone?


 

11. How do you wake up at 6 in the morning every day? I can't get up before noon and when I do, it makes me want to die.


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12. So laundry is done weekly? Not when I run out of underwear? Well, I never.


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13.  How do I save money and not touch it and pretend that it's not there, even when I'm so broke I can barely afford to eat?


 

14. But seriously, can I have a job? Do you know anyone that might need a poem? I can write for the anniversary that they forgot, that'd be nice....For a hefty fee, of course.


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15. I know I have a car and love to drive...but I can't pay the insurance. Can you do it for me? Kaaaaay!


 

16. You work, cook, clean, exercise, study, and live...teach me your ways wise one. 


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17. I know how to cook bacon and bake cookies. What's the rest like? Anyone?


 

18. I maaay have locked myself out of the bathroom and screwed off the entire doorknob to get back in. How do I put it back? What? I had to pee, ok? 


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19. What exactly is a screwdriver anyway?


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20. Are you sure those eggs are bad? I bought them two weeks ago-ish...I think.


 

21. I know I don't have a job...but I have a guinea pig! Isn't he cute? How do you take care of a guinea pig? Why is it shitting everywhere?


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22. Are guinea pigs allowed to eat that cable? I don't think so...oh. Wait. That's my charger. Fook.


 

23. What do you mean I can't just tell rude people to 'take a running jump'? Why the hell not?


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24. What do you mean I have to be a functional adult and take responsibility for my own actions? Noooooooo.


 

25. What do you mean I have to fend for myself now?


 

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26. Mom? I think I need help. I don't know how to adult just yet. What's for dinner?


 

27. Can I move back in? Oh. And my guinea pig too. We need you and I'll be here for the foreseeable future, thanks!


 

 

Amber M Paez

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