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Hallelujah! Clonakilty Have Released A Vegan Pudding And It Looks Amazing

Hallelujah! Clonakilty Have Released A Vegan Pudding And It Looks Amazing

Right now, there is a beleaguered ITV intern who, having just seen this headline, knows the rest of their day is set to be nothing short of a disaster. They see the next few minutes of their lives telescope out with horrendous clarity before them. They imagine standing up from their desk and walking down a long, dimly lit hall and, having flashed their staff card to two security guards, passing through the heavy, blast-resistant metallic doors they perpetually guard. They will imagine descending the rusted and rickety metallic stairs that lie beyond; through the darkness, through the silence punctuated only by the drip-dripping of stagnant water and their own nervous foot-steps. Once at the bottom, they will imagine passing through a second set of heavy metallic doors, into the damp cellar in which he resides. When they enter, they will first be hit by a wave of hot, putrid air and, as their eyes acclimatise to the murky, low-light, they will be able to pick out a low, hunched figure, grumbling and grunting. They will clear their throat, hesitantly, and stutter, "I'm sorry to bother you, but... I've found something." The snuffling will stop, and Piers Morgan will raise his face from the trough of deli meats he had been gorging on, and he will, through a mouthful of wafer-ham, bellow, "What is it!?" And the intern will have to explain that Clonakilty - a famous brand of black and white pudding in Ireland - have released a vegan pudding. Piers Morgan will then let out a blood-curdling roar - for Piers Morgan abhors the consumption of all things non-flesh. He will thud his greasy fists against his chest, don his suit, and then clump upstairs to go live on television to berate veganism.

Such is the fate that awaits one ITV intern on account of this news; the news that Clonakilty are hopping aboard the vegan bandwagon, and creating a range of puddings which replace the offal content with non-offal materials. Specifically, it is what only be described as a condensed log of 'gluten-free oatmeal, onions, water, black beans, carrots, pea starch, salt and natural spices.' So, not only can vegans and vegetarians hoosh down this pipe of goodness, it is also suitable for coeliacs. Happy days for the dietarily restricted all round.

Given the absolute supremacy of their traditional puddings we can only assume that this will be equally awe-inspiring.

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Rory McNab

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