Okay, so something awful has happened. You have found out that your signficant other has cheated on you. Not only that, he has gone and broke up with you once you found out. Does he have no shame? This is time for damage control! You get all your friends round and it's time for the bitchiest of all bitch sessions. They tell you how much better you are than him as "he was definitely punching above his weight'.
Unfortunately, in these situations you will hate on the other woman. If you know her there will be plenty of words said about her. If she is a randomer..Facebook creeping must begin now. And, repeat to yourself:
Your friends are doing their best to console you but there is always one. There is always that friend that thinks they are helping, but they are is doing quite the opposite. For anyone out there that experiences this situation in the future, we pray you don't, check out What Not To Say in this situation.
1) "I had a bad feeling about him from the start"
Oh, really? You did?? Well you could have told me. Thanks for waiting until he's cheated on me to tell me this. Fantastic news!
2)"Stop thinking about him and put your mind on something else...maybe get a new hobby"
No, no, no, no! I have two hobbies: watching TV and going out on the piss. I don't have time for a third. Think woman!!
3) "Oh he has been cheating on you? Jesus, you should get an STD check?"
Oh, come on. This is the definition of kicking me when I'm down. Leave now please!
4) "I think it's just because you're too picky"
Just because I know what I want and will not settle or lower my standards for anyone, does not mean I am a crazy person!
5) "I think you should go for a different type?"
Well, thank you so much. Now I get it! I go for blondes, so if I go for brown haired guys nothing like this will ever happen again. You fool! This makes no sense!
6) "You can't get over someone until you get under someone else"
In the future this might be helpful, but right now I feel like s***, my face is outragously puffy from crying and, let's not beat around the bush, I feel fat. Thinking of getting with someone else is the last thing I need to think about.
7) "Everybody cheats!"
I don't care about everyone this is happening to me! And, how am I supposed to move on (which is what you just suggested) if all men are cheaters. Piss off!
8) "You really had no idea??"
No I actually did. I found out months ago and I'm just sitting here crying for the craic. Bloody hell!
9) "Was it actually cheating or just a score?"
I'm not really sure what you are referring to. Cheating is cheating: end of! You really aren't making this any easier.
10) "Oh god your one he got with is so hot!"
11) "I wish I had something better to say but I've never been hurt before. And, I've certainly never been cheated on! Sorry!"
My response to this is:
12) "Here, like, he's too hot! I'm sure girls were throwing themselves at him"
Is this an excuse? Are you trying to say he's hotter than me?? I am fragile...you aren't even considering how I will react to your unwise words.
If you want to be the best BFF and stand up for your friend and you happen to encounter this pig, take the two following steps:
If you are the poor soul who has been cheated on and you see your ex don't let them charm their way back in...
HAVE SOME DIGNITY AND PRIDE AND RUN AWAY!!
And, for this once, take some advice off Taylor Swift: