I Do Not Wannabe Your Lover: The Worst Advice Songs Have Ever Given Us

Music can be inspirational. It can also be fucking stupid. Underneath the auto-tuned vocals and the bass, they can convey some really shit messages. Next time you're bopping along to Katy Perry or Pitbull, have a listen to what they're saying. Because most of the time, it makes no sense. Here is a collection of some of the stupidest advice from songs that you should never take:

1) Spice Girls- Wannabe

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.

If you wanna be my lover, do not, I repeat DO NOT get with my friends. Contrary to what the Spice Girls think, infidelity with my best friend will not make me more attracted to you.

2) Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera- Feel This Moment

As for money, get advice. As for advice, get money twice.

Er, excuse me Mr. Pitbull. Just... what? "Get money twice?" What does that even mean? I can't even get money once.

3) Ne-Yo- Sexy Love


She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up/ Just one touch/ And I erupt like a volcano and cover her with my love.

Aw, poor Ne-Yo. Just one touch and he blows his load. Even if you try say it poetically, we see right through it Mr. Yo. *cue Friends quote*

4) Nine Inch Nails- Closer


I wanna fuck you like an animal.

That's some bad sex advice right there. That's called bestiality, my friends. And I'm pretty sure it's illegal. Don't do it.

5) Olly Murs- Can't Say No

I can't wait to get you home/ So many ways to turn you on/ Just let your fears come off like clothes/ I know you feel what I'm feeling/ So no, you can't say no

Now, I'm a massive fan of Olly Murs. LOVE HIM, I've seen him live like three times and he's sexy as fuck. But still, Olly. This song makes me uncomfortable. I can't say no? Em, how about NO. How did this song even get released? Always get consent, guys. Not okay Olly.

6) Mungo Jerry- In The Summertime.

If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal/ If her daddy's poor just do what you feel

That's right girls. How guys treat you depends on how much you're worth. Chivalry at it's finest, eh?

7) Katy Perry- E.T.

Kiss me, k-k-kiss me/ infect me with your loving, fill me with your poison.

This gal has obviously never had a nasty U.T.I. I don't want what you have, please keep your poison to yourself. Keep it clean, guys.

8) Enrique Iglesias- I Like It


Girl please excuse me if I'm coming too strong/ But tonight is the night we can really let it go/ My girlfriend is out of town and I'm all alone/ Your boyfriend's on vacation and he doesn't have to know

Yay! Your boyfriend isn't here, so let's smash. NO ENRIQUE. Bad relationship advice right there. Cheating is bad. Very bad.

9) Ke$ha- Tik Tok


Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack/ Cuz when I leave for the night I ain't coming back

Well it's nice that you made an effort to be healthy Ke$ha, but brushing your teeth with liquor just makes no sense. How would it even stay on the toothbrush? Silly girl. Don't listen to her, kids.

10) Carrie Underwood- Before He Cheats

That I dug my key into the side/ Of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive/ Carved my name into his leather seats/ I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights/ Slashed a hole in all four tires/ Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.


Yeah that's right Carrie. Fuck his car up and then he'll learn his lesson. You crazy bitch.

11) Britney Spears- Hold It Against Me

You might think that I'm crazy/ But you know I'm just your type

Yeah, forcing people into thinking you're their type, that's the way to go. True love. People love crazy mo'fos.

Clodagh McMeel
Article written by
Self-confessed cat lady, Clodagh is known for her sneezing and laziness. She is most often found on the couch or in bed, usually accompanied by her laptop and pizza. When she isn't doing nothing, she studies English and French in Maynooth. But that's very rare.

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