Most people get to decide how they want the world to perceive them. To some extent you can hide your insecurities, unhappiness and secrets and put the best version of yourself forward. When you have a disability you can’t hide it. Whether it’s physical or mental, it’s there for everyone to see. Immediately, you are revealing your weaknesses, that you can’t do something, that your body is letting you down. It’s generally the first thing people know about you, but it’s not the only thing you want people to know about you.
Until 10 months ago, only a handful of people in my life knew I had a disability. Anyone who spent enough time with me knew I had poor vision but few knew how bad it was, and even fewer knew how bad it might get. I hid it for a lot of reasons. Mostly, I didn’t want to be seen as different. It’s also just really hard to explain a disability. Having a disability is so much more than just a medical diagnosis. There’s hospital appointments and medication that can shape your week. Some days the simplest thing to everyone else can frustrate you to no end, and on the bad days that can make you angry – why did this happen to you, why is this your life? As a way of coping, you might have a routine and when that routine is interrupted by daily life you can spiral into anxiety. There is an endless list of things to worry about: your future, your quality of life, being able to work. Saying “I have a visual impairment” does not justly explain my life.
It’s hard to understand a disability because it’s deeply personal and individualistic. The term disability covers a wide range of conditions, from physical and mental to sensory and learning. Someone who has a hearing impairment will have different concerns and problems to me. Even within the legally blind category no two people are similar. We might have similar concerns but our history and our way of dealing with it might be strikingly different. It’s unfair to compare me to someone else. I’ve felt comfortable flying alone to Thailand in the past but someone else might not. I’ve put myself out there but I’ve also been knocked back down because of it, such as getting lost from my group in Hanoi, a city without traffic lights and where motorbikes are ubiquitous. I cried that night because I couldn’t cross the road alone. It’s hard for people to understand what it’s like when you physically cannot do something they can. It was even harder for me to accept that my body won’t let me do it. There’s no “how to” guide for knowing your limits with a disability so I’ve always tended to push mine, for better and worse. I wouldn’t judge someone in a similar position for not doing that; they are arguably smarter and more accepting of their disability. Like everything in life, people cope in different ways and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
There are people with disabilities who do truly remarkable things, just look at the Paralympics athletes or Mark Pollock. They epitomise that anything is possible if you try. But they also take away from the dozens of little challenges a person with a disability faces every day. These challenges don’t require applause but they do deserve recognition. Going to college with a disability is daunting: a new place to get accustomed to, new friends to make, a new way of learning. The very fact someone says yes to this challenge warrants credit. Because this isn’t something you can get used to and your disability slowly fades over time. You can mitigate it with coping mechanisms but you can’t shed it. Things might change – a new lecturer, a different classroom, other students – but a disability is constant.
I can give you statistics about what I can and can’t see, though this doesn’t really explain anything. I can tell you I can’t read a menu in a restaurant but outside the context of that restaurant how can you quantify what I can and cannot see? You can’t, just like I can’t imagine what you see. It’s not about knowing, it’s about being accepting and emphatic towards someone with a disability. Make it OK for us to ask you for help and know that sometimes asking is incredibly hard. Understand there are times we will want to talk about it and times we won’t, and that’s not a reflection on you. Don’t judge us if we say we do or don’t want to something. Remember we are more than just a person with a disability; we are your friends, colleagues, neighbours, humans. Disabilty doesn’t define us, it just shapes us.
