No Money & Nobody's Funny: The Struggles Of Being A Heavyweight

The thing you'll remember most about your time in College is the thing you can hardly remember at all; going out and getting drunk. Yes, going out, getting hammered and flushing any chance of a decent grade down the toilet is a right of passage for the majority of students these days. However, this can be a task in itself if you're a bit of a heavyweight when it comes to drink. It's not an easy life to lead but we troop on. Here are some of the struggles that come with the life of being a heavyweight.


1) Obviously if it takes a lot to get you drunk you're going to have to drink a lot. This is fine in theory until you arrive at someone's house for pre-drinks struggling to get in the door because you're holding six cans of Cider, a naggin and a half and a litre of club orange all the while you're receiving judging glances from the Sober Squad in the corner.
2) Although people may be judging your excessive amount of drink, you find yourself judging the noticeable lightweights mixing their Smirnoff Ice with 7UP and disappointment. I mean if you're going to be that much of a nun about it, why didn't you bring a naggin of Holy Water and maybe some Rosary beads if things got really crazy.
3) All your friends are getting drunk and want to head into town, but you're still chatting away sober enough with a good bit of drink left to go. Seeing as it says somewhere in the bible that it's a holy sin to waste drink, and you don't want to go to hell, you try to talk your friends into staying at the house a half an hour longer just so you can finish those last few cans.
4) You eventually make it into town and all you're friends want to go throw some shapes on the dance floor but there's only two places you'll be for the duration of the night: The bar buying more drink or in the toilet making room for more drink. Once the seal is broken you're in and out of the toilet so much that the toilet attendant is your new best friend/Tissue Dispenser.

5) The biggest struggle of all when it comes to being a heavyweight is that by the time you finally reach the levels of messiness that your friends are at, the night is nearly over and you've spent all your money on drink; now you have to scrape your last few pennies together to pay for the traditional dodgy undercooked taco chips with questionable meat from the chipper down the road. Success.
Adrian Dooley

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