Sh!t Everyone Has To Deal With At Airports

In light of all the people jetting off on their summer holidays to various exotic destinations across the globes, or J1s to the States, I decided to take a look at all the annoying things you're bound to come across in airports. Be it in Dublin's terminal 2, or Aer Aran Islands, you're bound to find at least ONE of these on your travels! And for those of you not jetting off to exciting places, maybe this will make you feel a little better about staying home.

1. The Check In

Queuing up to check in your suitcase you weighed five times before leaving the house and some woman is having a row with the steward up above. Furiously shoving her monstrous case into the tiny little measurement thing by Aer Lingus. "I swear ta God it's five kilos. I'll make it fit if it's the last thing I do!" Sigh...

2. The Brady Bunch

The huge family with the cousins and the grandparents and the twenty hyper children who are no doubt going on their first holiday. They seem to follow you around everywhere, popping up in the cafes, the toilets, and oh, look, they're getting the same flight. The mother is trying to drag the father from the bar, the kids are either missing or hanging off their auntie or mother (or sister) and the grandparents are munching on a choc ice. Their public domestics are actually quite an effective way to pass the time.


3. Security

Now it's time for security. And you- the sensible person that you are- made sure you had PLENTY of time to get through. However, you didn't factor in the time it would take for the Kim Kardashian wannabe up ahead, with her thirty bangles and chunky rings and two belts and- you get the idea. Now you have to wait while she walks back and forth and back and forth through the metal detector fifty times.

4. Metal Detectors

Now it's YOUR turn to walk through the metal detector. You're sure you've nothing on you- you've checked your one pocket, you don't wear a belt, you're braces were removed in third year... So why is the metal detector going off?! You know you're innocent, but you can't help feeling like maybe you accidentally put a Samurai sword in your pocket or something. There's something weird about the overly gruff way the security guard is patting you down.


5. The Stampedes

The announcement CLEARLY states that only families with SMALL children are allowed to start boarding the plane. They could have announced elephants were only to be boarding the plane, but it wouldn't stop half the crowd from rising to their feet and swarming around the entrance to the tunnel, hoping to sneak in. WHAT'S THE RUSH ABOUT, PEOPLE? It's not going to take off without you, and no one is going to steal your seat since you've paid to have printed on your ticket! Sheesh..

6. The Guy who Holds Everyone Up

So you've arrived an hour early, got through security, your bag is checked in and now you're sitting on the plane with all the other  well organised passengers, except there's one problem. You're still in Shannon. Hold on, why aren't we moving? Why aren't we scuttling down the runway towards glorious Ibiza?! "Could John Smith please make his way to Flight Number XYZ675. Final Call for John Smith..." GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER JOHN!! Seriously!! Four more 'final calls' and John *finally* arrives onto the plane. Not a bother. Grrr...


7. The Cheap Skate

The middle aged man stuffing his MASSIVE carry on into the tiny overhead luggage compartment, whilst holding up the queue of people waiting to get on the plane behind. He's loaded, really, but he wouldn't DREAM of paying ACTUAL money to check his in bag. He got his flights for half nothing on a deal he won after he spent 100 coupons at Lidl.

8. Small Children

You're on a six hour flight to JFK, so you think you might be able to shift some of that jet lag and repruccions surrounding the whole time zone thing by getting a little shut eye. You've barely even closed your eyes and a high pitched wailing sound like the screech of a kettle fills the plane. Or, if you're REALLY unlucky, you'll also have an eight year old martial arts kid violently kicking your chair from behind. PARENTS- CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN! One things for sure- no shut eye for YOU!


9. Big Momma's Vacation.

It's no secret that Ryanair's seats ain't vary spacious, and that planes aren't all that big. A giant shadow appears beside you, and your heart breaks in two. The giant specimen asks you to move in to the window seat so they can rest their legs in the aisle, since their tree trunk legs won't feet in front. Wedged between the large lady, your face shoved up against the window, whatever hope you had of being able to walk around the plane or even use the bathroom is gone. You're stuck here forever.

10. Waiting for your bag.

You've got your trolley, you're waiting patiently for your little pink floral bag that has your whole life inside. You watch the same ugly green suitcase roll around and around and around. Slowly, the crowd of people begins to get smaller and smaller until it's just you and the foreign lady left and that ugly abandoned suitcase still revolving around the baggage claim. Ehm, this is starting to get a tad worrying. Where's my little pink suitcase?!

11. Actually getting your bag

So it turns out you were waiting at the wrong baggage claim. Damn Portuguese signage. AND THERE IT IS! Your little suitcase! Elbowing old women and mothers and children out of your way- sorry but every man for themselves at this point- you lock your eyes on your bag. Deep breaths, roll up your sleeves, and LUNGE onto the belt! Shit, it's not coming off. I can't get it off. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOVE PEOPLE!! If not for some kind hearted, super muscular man, you might well have needed some sort of crane to hoist it off.


Rebecca Stiffe

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