Life

Sh*T Guys Say To Each Other When They're...

Sh*T Guys Say To Each Other When They're...

Guys are always upfront with each other, they will always call each other on something and know when they're bullshitting. We not afraid to insult each other because we get as much abuse as we give. We usually say different things fort different situations , here is the stuff guys say to each other.

On a night out

"Did you get the shift?"

More than likely you have been separated from the lads so you don't know how they did. If they didn't get any action it's no surprise, but if they happen to score you feel like a proud father.

Dumb-and-Dumber

"I swear she was a ten "

Odds are she was about a 4 and you're just seeing her through your beer goggles. In all fairness though you can't really brag either, the one you shifted was a 2 with her make-up on.

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"Did you get her number"

Either way you know you won't call her because,well that's what guys do. When you eventually do ring her it's 3 months later and she doesn't even remember you.

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"Seriously, I'm not even that drunk"

Well, first if all you're talking to the wall and you can barely stand up straight. Now it means that you'll have to be taken care of for the rest of the night and it's only 11:30.

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"You're such a cockblock, I was just about to go in for the kill"

You have been dancing with her for the last half an hour and you still haven't made a move. The only place that you're headed is the friend zone.

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 At the gym

"Have you put on some weight ..you fat bastard?"

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You say that "I'm just trying to motivate you man" great stuff way to build up someone's confidence. Funnily enough, we both weigh the same so what does that say about you.

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"I forgot to take my protein bar, my work out's ruined"

We know how much you need your protein bar, but it doesn't mean you can't work out the same. It puts you in a bad mood for the rest of the session and you use it as an excuse when you don't perform.

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"She was definitely checking me out"

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There are a lot of fit people in the gym so chances are she was checking someone else out. Just let them have this one so they won't argue about whether or not she was.

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"I could go harder If I wanted"

You were out last night and you want to throw up you don't have to hide behind it. It's probably better that you don't go hard because otherwise you will blow chunks all over the floor.

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"No, she was definitely checking me out",

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FFS FFS

"Spot me"

Well only if you spot me back, more than likely you won't return the favor so it's a tough decision. I'll do it because girls will think that I'm friendly.

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Hanging out in a mate's gaff

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"We getting food, honestly I promise I will pay you back"

They never ever do, I don't mind lending my mate money and them not paying back, it's the fact that they said they would but they didn't.

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"Any matches on Tinder"

There are always a few good looking matches on Tinder, all you need know is a great opening line. Just make sure to flick through a few photos of her before deciding, angles can be deceiving.

Got-a-match

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"Did you see game of thrones last night"

No, but don't tell........ and you've ruined the episode for me, thanks a lot. I won't forget this, next time you haven't watched an episode I will have my revenge.

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"Jessica Alba, what a babe"

This will usually change every week to that other hot girl you see when you're watching a movie. There is always that one guy that is never attracted to them.

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"So when are we booking a holiday lads?"

You have been putting it off for months and you still haven't decided on a date or even where you're going. Someone has to take the initiative otherwise it's down to Wexford again.

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Talking about their appearance

"Cool shirt man where did you get?"

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If it's cool design or logo then it actually is good, but if it's one with a deep v, we're basically saying you look like a turd with that shirt on.

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"Nice stubble"

You have spent months and months crafting your beard into a piece of art, only for your friend that actually can't grow a beard to say it's a nice bit of stubble.

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"You need a haircut"

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Oh, sorry I didn't know that you were a fashion stylist as well as my friend. You clearly know when my hair needs to be cut and what particular way.

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" Nice shoes"

Guys are very black and white with shoes. If they're genuinely cool sneakers then it's compliment, but if it's a pair of sketchers, just don't wear them with jeans.

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"I only shop at River Island"

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Sure, those jeans are from Penneys,that  t-shirt is from Dunnes and your shoes are from Clarks. The only thing you've ever bought in River Island is a dodgy straw hat you bought for a festival.

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Talking about girls

"I've been texting her"

This basically means that they're now in with a chance, basically you will see how things turn out but  you wouldn't hold your breath for them...

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"It's nothing that serious"

In reality you're head over heels for her, but you don't want to sound lovey dovey in front of the lads. You just want to wait and see how she feels first.

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"I think she's the one"

You now know that she is into you so you tell the lads that you think she is the one. It's only been a month and half and you think she's the one even though you said that about the last girl you dated.

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"We were talking, I think she is into me"

Guys tend to over exaggerate their interactions with the opposite sex. Just because she agreed with something you said or likes something you like doesn't mean she fancies you.

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"She said I was the best she's had"

Really, she is trying to spare your feelings because of how poorly you performed in bed. Also, we don't need to know what she said to you in bed, just the fact that you actually had sex.

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Kenneth Fox
Article written by
I'm a musician and a writer, or a writer and a musician, I can't make up my mind, Either way I'm not particularly good at either. A bit of an old fashioned guy, who enjoys the simpler things in life, nothing fancy.

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