The 14 Ways You Can Exit A Nightclub

The state you end up in at the end of a night out is significantly worse than when you arrive. So, the way you leave can result in many options. Will you have your head held high with your dignity in tact? Or, will you have sick all down the side of your new Penneys shirt? Some people might say "it is your choice really', but that is not the case. It isn't up to you really because it could end up any way. You might even have consumed the same amount of alcohol as last week when you were stone cold sober. The night is full of mystery and no one can tell you where you will end up. Let me refresh your memory and let you in on a few home truths. Here are The 14 Ways You Can Exit A Nightclub.

1) The Classy Specimen

You have had a good night, you are happy with what you have achieved and you are as classy as The Queen at the Royal wedding. Leaving is not an issue for you. You rally up the troops and you know where you are going next. You are the leader of this evening out.


2) The Shifter

You have been scoring someone all night. You are feeling confident you will go home with this person. You exit the nightclub with a cheeky grin. You had a good night and you hope it will continue.



3) The Stalker

You are following around that girl or guy that you are obsessed with. You haven't shifted but you just can't help yourself. You are following them around like a puppy dog and you aren't being slick in the slightest. You follow them to leave and you try and get in their taxi. This is an epic fail.



4) The Removed

You are too sloppy, you may have had a brief nap and you have been caught. The bouncer will remove you from this nightclub while you try and shrug them off. Two of your friends follow and then give out about how you made them leave. All in all not the best exit.


5) The Fighter

You have had a slight shove or a full blown fight. Either way you are going to have to leave. Whether you are a guy or girl this is embarrassing. You are letting yourself and your friends down.



6) The Sober Sally

You have tried and tried but no amount of vodka shots are getting you any more pissed. It is just one of those nights. You decide to make the most of it and hang around for a while. You take care of your friend who is crying about their ex until you realize "fuck this sh*t" and you head home. You are slightly condescending and feel superior to others.



7) The Mess

You are so far gone and nobody can bring you back. No amount of water can help you now. Instead of taking yourself home you decide to stay camped out in the smoking section talking utter horse sh*t. When you leave you face plant at least four times. You finish the night by wearing the ear off your taxi man and then proceeding to eat every item in your fridge.


8) The Druggy

They are buzzing. They are loving life and everyone is a "honey, sweetie or an amazing person". They're dancing like no one is watching and are one tequila shot away from a meltdown. They will dance as they exit and continue on to an after party.



9) The After Party

You chant "after party" as you are leaving. You will wait around until you find one and you really don't care who will be there as long as you go to one. You are drunk, in good spirits and ready to call the Beer Baron. You will do whatever it takes to be the life and soul of the party.



10) The Two Friends

You have both had a great night. You are ready to go and the two of you will leave accordingly. You will share a taxi and no drama will be had. It was a lovely drunken evening.


11) The Chameleon

No one knows where you are hiding. You go missing for hours and then reappear, only to disappear again. It is so mysterious and so confusing. You love how you are the James Bond of the night.



12) The Early Bird

They leave as quick as they got there. They could be going to meet their boyfriend or girlfriend or they feel sick and they have left the scene of the crime. They will be tucked up in bed by 12.30am. They don't bring good times.



13) The Stoner

It is the end of their night and they want one thing and one thing only. They want to get as high as a kite and reminisce on how good life is. After parties are essential.


14) The Horn Dog

They might have not gotten the score yet or they are sick of the guy/girl they were with and want something new. They are ready to go home with someone and the desired candidate could be just about anyone. Men and women everywhere, be aware of The Horn Dog.

Lauren Rol
Article written by
Lauren Rol: A UCD graduate who spends most of her time watching the Soaps. A devout fan of Chinese food and a French Bulldog obsessive.

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