People who say they like going to the gym are lying, or are trying to make the rest of us feel like utter sh*t for hating it. The gym is a time of stress, panic, paranoia and sweat. Getting to the gym is half the battle but sometimes the king size bag of crisps are oh so hard to resist. So, you are now basking in your own guilt. You haven't been to the gym in a month or five and it is time to take the next step. Here is The Emotional Cycle of a Girls Experience At The Gym.
1) Removal
Must get out of these pyjamas and off the couch. I will not be succumb to this relaxation anymore. Nahhh I'll wait 15 more minutes. NO - I'll go now.
2) Dress Code
What to wear, what to wear. Queue raking through your wardrobe for 20 minutes. I'll save you some time - no matter how adventurous you may feel, you will wear all black. I can guarantee you that.
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3) Transport
If you have to get the bus there will be less of a chance you will go. If you have a car or are getting a lift it will be slightly easier. The whole way there you're trying to procrastinate and if there's anything you can remember you have to do instead - you will do it. No luck so far and you arrive at your destination.
4) Arrival
Get out your gym membership card and off you go. You are starting to feel happy you have made this decision. You get to the changing room and scope out the room. This locker looks good - ah there is something in it. This one - oh it's taken. That one - ah yes finally. You put a lock on it because no one will be taking your new iPhone. iPod out, water filled, "LET'S DO THIS!."
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5) Machine Referral
Good it isn't too packed. I will have my pick of the machines. What treadmill will I take? Ah shit there is the guy I slept with the other night...f*ckkkkkk. I will take the furthest machine away from him.
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6) Work Out
My warrior name is Beyoncé. Embody this determination and soldier on - I can finish this. Next stop the bike. I am an independent woman.
7) Sweating Dilemma
Oh God I don't think I have ever sweated this much in my life. I think I might die. Here and now, I might faint - I'm being serious. Calm - down- and drink - water.
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8) Embarrassing Moment
I fell off the bike. I did a Bridget Jones and fell off the bloody exercise bike. Not many people saw so it's all good. But, it will haunt me forever.
9) Staff Encounter
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"Excuse me, where is your towel?" "Oh, sorry, I must have left it at home. I completely forgot it". "Don't let this happen again it is unhygienic." Ah christ!
10) Finishing Line
1 more minute and I am free. 60, 59, 58, 57, 25, 10, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. YESSSS - It still counts. I will return to the changing rooms.
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11) Changing Rooms
LOOK AT THE STATE OF ME. Everyone out there saw me like this. Better run home before anyone else sees the tomato face I own.
12) Returning To The Motor
I can't feel my legs or arms. The agony of it all. Though I must admit I do feel amazing about myself now. I must take to Whatsapp, Twitter and Facebook to tell everyone that I have been to the gym.
