"I'm Not Even That Drunk": Things Guys Actually Talk About On A Guy's Night Out

When it's a night out on the tiles with the lads, there is a lot that guys usually talk about. Some of it is what you would expect from a bunch of lads, but some other stuff is what you probably wouldn't expect to hear. From the mundane to the bizzare here are the things that guys actually talk about on a guy's night out.

25) Quoting every TV show and movie they know

We do this a lot, and I mean a lot, this is basically what we do most of the time.. We will take any chance to add in an Anchorman reference whenever we can or a Simpsons reference. A lot of the time we relate different situations to shows and movies because that is literally the only frame of reference we have.

24) Football

Yes, we do talk a lot about it, we usually slag each other's teams and how bad they're doing at the moment. We like talking about how such and such a player is shit and how overrated they are. It's basically just an excuse to slag each other for hours...


23) How broke they are

They will always say how much money they spent last time "I spent like a €100 on drink last time", and how they're going to spend less tonight. Once they get a few drinks in them, this goes out the windows and they're basically buying their friends and everyone in the club drinks.

22) Hot Celebs

This usually changes on a weekly basis and whether it's Jessica Alba, Cheryl Cole or Jennifer Lawrence, guys always talk about hot celebs on a night out. We usually try to come to a general consensus on one girl and if someone doesn't  like yours, you have to argue the case for why they should like them.


21) Girlfriends

If everyone has one, then there is less need to talk about them, but if there a few single guys in the group then they have to let them in on the experience. It's mostly all the stuff that they can't do because they have a girlfriend and how they have way less free time than they used to. Of course the lads will always try and get them to come out more with them.

20) Previous night's out

We will always talk about the memories from other nights out and the stupid things that we did that time. This is usually followed by "I was so drunk" as a way to justify how stupid they acted the last night out. It's not much of a consolation for them puking in the taxi and having a fight with the taxi driver.


19) The money that their friend owes them

It's not even that important if they get paid back or not, it's the principle that they said they would pay back and they didn't.  It usually ends up with them buying rounds to make up for it.

 18) How hot a girl is and not doing anything about it

When a guy sees a girl on a night out they're going to tell their friends about it, but they will never act on it. Action speaks louder than words and guys will always talk about how hot a girl is, but will very rarely act upon it. If they make a move, it's when they're incredibly drunk and are slurring their words so she doesn't understand what he's saying.


17) The last girl they had sex with

Even if it wasn't the best they ever had, guys will always talk about their latest accomplishment and of course exaggerate all the finer details. It again turns into a cock measuring content with everyone giving their story. Then eventually the guy who is an relationship shuts everyone up, because he gets it way more than anyone else.

16) A lad's holiday

This always comes up on a night out and even when it's nowhere near the time to book a holiday. Ideas start floating around about where to go and of course there is always someone who says "I don't care as long as we get out of this shithole". It ends up being left until the month before and it's a mess trying to book the flights with Ryan Air.


15) How shitty their job is

If you're still in college then odds are you have a part time job to get you throughWhether it's retail or a pizza place, guys will always complain about their shitty part time job. They will say how they hate the manager and  how they don't get enough money to deal with that shit. Maybe if they didn't spend all their money on drink, then they wouldn't be complaining about how broke they are.

14) Where the fuck has (insert name here) gone?

There is always that friend that mysteriously disappears for the night and you only end up seeing them when the night is over. They wander off without a care in the world and they end up telling you about some lad they were talking with for hours and how he was a sound bloke.


13) How much they go to the gym

"Yea, I'm defo going to the gym tomorrow", guys make it sound like they have the same daily routine as Dwayne Johnson, but struggle to even make it to the gym. Guys will always talk up how much they go and how many protein bars they have aswell.

12) She was definitely checking me out

If a girl even looks in the same direction as a guy, they will automatically think that they were looking at him. More than likely it was them looking at their friend and they just happened to be in the same direction. For the rest of the night he will be saying how she was looking at him and for one of his mates to introduce them to her.


11) How many girls they shifted

The number is always overly exaggerated and it's never the amount that they say it is. They will of course always say that they were a 9 or a 10, even though they were probably a 5 at best. Most of the time you don't really see them doing the deed so they can pretty much say they shifted as many as they want.

10) This is my tune!!

So you're just chilling near the bar and then a song comes on, your friend comes running up to you and drags  you to the dance floor. Then you get there and find out it wasn't the song they thought it was an now everyone has to awkwardly leaves the dance floor.


9) How old we're getting

They see all the underage people that got in with a fake id and realise how old we look. It's not just girls who stress about getting old, guys have to deal with balding and grey hair, so think how we feel. Also you realise you can't drink as much as you used to, even thought you still try to drink like you're 16 18.

8) Private jokes that nobody else gets

Of course no group of friends would be complete without its fair share of inside jokes. If you're out in the smoking area having the chats, an inside joke will come up and you and your mates will be dying laughing and the other person won't have a clue what's going on. It's always an awkward situation when this happens on a night out.


7) Giving out about that loser who didn't come out with the lads

There is always one or two that don't end up coming and so of course you have to slag the shit out of them because they're not there. Instead of complaining about someone who isn't there, maybe you should enjoy the night with the people who are there.

6) Talking about each others clothes

"Did you get new runners" or "Is that a new shirt", guys do talk about clothes as well. Not to the extent that girls do, but if we notice that one of our mates is looking extra fly we will always ask them if they got some new clothes or a haircut. They're our mates after all so we do notice when they're looking a little different, but we don't obsess about each others clothes like girls.


5) How they're not that drunk

" I swear man, I'm not that drunk" They say that even though they're slurring their words and can just about stand up. They're not fooling anyone and we have seen them drunk before, so we know how they act. There is no point in trying to cover it up , when you're drunk you're drunk.

4) Then later on... how they're so drunk

Eventually it hits them and they say "Oh man, I'm so drunk" followed by them laughing their heads off.  It means you have to take care of them for the rest of the night. Inevietably, they will get sick during the night and you just hope they don't get it on you.


3) How hungry they are

So it's getting near the end of the night and the drinks have stopped flowing, so the next thing you think of is food. The most obvious option is a kebab and the only thing that will make this night amazing is a kebab at the end of it. On your way there you say how hungry you are and once you get your food you wolf down nd nearly choke.

2) I'm so tired

This always happens when it gets closer to the end, it's even worse when one of your mates actually falls asleep in the club. If they don't fall asleep in there they will definitely fall asleep in the taxi and then wake up and to a taxi driver giving out to them.

1) How horny they are

So if it's a particularly poor night and the luck wasn't there for the lads, they will say say how horny they are. All these hot girls and you don't know what to do with yourself. Then one of your friends takes about how they pull a girleven though they were a grenade you regret not getting any action. It usually just ends up with them calling your ex for a booty call.

Kenneth Fox
Article written by
I'm a musician and a writer, or a writer and a musician, I can't make up my mind, Either way I'm not particularly good at either. A bit of an old fashioned guy, who enjoys the simpler things in life, nothing fancy.

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