I, as do a lot people, believe that FIFA is one of the greatest video games that anyone can ever own. Literally anyone can play it, even if you don't like football. But regardless of if it's 5th time or 5000th time playing, I guarantee that you will be playing against one of these types of players.
The Rage Monster
Probably the most common of FIFA players, rage monsters get angry at everything. If they get fouled, if they give away a foul, if they are called offside, if one of their players loses the ball, if the other player makes a substitution, the list just goes on. But God forbid that the other player should score. If this happens, rage monsters tend to swear anywhere from 5 to 25 times, before throwing the controller at the wall and declaring that they hate FIFA and think that it's a stupid game. Needless to say they then pick up the controller to tip-off when the players are ready.
This person is the pro of the group. They always have stories of how they won the Champions League with Scunthorpe United with the difficulty setting at World Class, and they win about 90% of all the games you play against them. As a result, they start picking Blackburn Rovers when you pick Barcelona, for example. They probably give the excuse that they're just evening it up, but really they're just showing off. And it's made all the worse when they still beat you, and just sit there with a stupid smug look on their face.
"I never really play FIFA."
This is the Hustler's catchphrase. Before the game they will let you know how little they play the game, and how unlikely it is that they'll even score, let alone win. They then proceed to beat you 3-0, and what makes it even worse is that they still claim that they rarely play, and they must've just got lucky for those three goals, even though nobody's buying it.
You can only really identify this type of player when they lose. In fairness, they actually are quite gracious in victory, and don't rub it in, or brag to other people, or get all cocky, or anything like that. But this does not make up for how annoying they are when they do lose. I have listed some of the more popular excuses below:
- "I have a Playstation and it's completely different to the Xbox version."
- "There was a shine on the TV."
- "I was at a really bad angle to the screen."
- "People kept talking and distracting me."
- "My phone kept going off."
Anyone who is a fan of online gaming will be familiar with this word, as we were all "nubes" at one time. For those people that have real friends and don't need to go online to find some, a "nube" is a person who has only recently started the game, and as a result are really quite bad at the game. Nubes in FIFA often have to keep asking what the button is to shoot and which direction they are shooting, and nobody really enjoys it when you beat them 15-0.
The button-basher is one step up from a nube. They have some sort of a grasp on the controls of the game, but once it gets near either goal then they begin to panic, forget everything they learnt about how to play the game and just start hitting as many random buttons as quickly as possible in the hope that one of them will either score a goal for them, or stop a goal if they're defending.
Again this is just one step up from a nube, but the difference between a natural and a button basher is that the natural, is, as the named suggests, a natural at the game (didn't see that coming did you?). They seem to have this uncanny ability to beat you even though it's only their third time playing and you've owned every FIFA game since 1998. It's infuriating
The Tactical "Genius"
At least this person thinks they're a tactical genius. The third most annoying person to play against, they will insist on spending while feels like hours organising their team before the match starts, even though you cant really see much of a difference in the formation from when they started. They also have no issue pausing the game when your through on goal to make some 'quick changes'.
The second most annoying person to play against. It is kind of an unwritten rule when playing with your friends that you skip through all replays. Although special allowance is sometimes given if the goal is an absolute screamer. Other than that, you should be skipping through all of the replays, and anyone who doesn't is just an arsehole.
If you are this type of FIFA player, then you have no respect for your opponent, the game, or the little fake members of your team running around on screen. The worst kind of person to play against, they will quit the game before it is finished if they feel there is no chance of them winning, sometimes even going to the trouble of turning off the Playstation or Xbox. They are the sorest of losers, and they should be banned from ever playing the game again if they do it more than twice in a row.