What A Girls Underwear Says About Her...

There are more pantie styles that you've had hot dinners, my friends. Just make sure that if you're planning on showing anyone, you're getting the right message across. Believe it or not, what underwear you wear can say a hell of a lot about you. No really, it's true...

Five-Pack Cotton Pants

I've run out of good underwear and can't be fucked to wash it yet. So instead I have decided to run to the supermarket and pick up a cheap but acceptable pack of underwear. There's another week covered.

Padded bras

I am seriously over-compensating for the rack that I do have so that everyone thinks I have massive tits in the club photos. Get the girls out!

Neon pants/ Bra

I WANT YOU TO SEE THE UNDERWEAR THAT I'M WEARING. I LIKE ATTENTION. RAVE TO THE GRAVE.

Black Pants

To be worn at a specific time of the month OR by someone who is incapable of washing clothes without ruining their colour. Basic, just like you. <3

Seamless Pants

I am the most clever underwear buyer in all the land. Now everyone thinks I'm not wearing underwear, but I am! I am also very sensible and have well-manicured hands and a tidy wardrobe.

Lacy pants

I plan on getting some tonight. I'm ready to endure a relatively uncomfortable evening in order to wow my partner in the bedroom. Top points for effort.

Victoria Secret boy shorts.

I am channelling my inner eighteen-year-old self to feel sexy while I slob around the house watching Netflix. I am also super comfy. What more could I want from life?

Thongs

Ouch. How do I get these out of my ass crack so that they feel slightly more comfortable and less like the world's worst wedgie? I am wearing you for practical reasons so that no one can see my VPL. That is all, thong.

Going commando

I am the bravest of them all. I am attempting to challenge my vagina by wearing jeans as well. Stop me if you can.

Spanx

I've had a job interview in a pencil skirt, and I think I might need to be cut out of these if I don't get them off immediately. So please, save your questions until my body has moulded itself back into shape.