What You're Really Saying With Your Email Sign Off

Ever since I learnt how to write letters, and then as I became more technologically aware and capable of doing other stuff and things I learnt how to write an email (on my hotmail account) but to this day, for the life of me I still never know what to write at the end of my emails, I usually go with Kind Regards, but it usually seems so forced, are my regards actually kind? What even is a regard? If you say it enough times it doesn't even sound like a word anymore...

Here's a breakdown of what you really mean...

1. Thanks = Well done on reading this whole email.

2. Thanks! = Genuinely amazed you made it all the way through this.

3. Many thanks = Zero thanks.

4. Thank you = I am furious with you.

5. Thx = I think Zayn is my favourite member of 1D.

6. Regards = I really couldn’t care less.

7. Kind regards = I really couldn’t care less, but this is my way of appearing like I could.

8. KR = I couldn’t even be bothered to write the full words, that’s how kind my regards are.

9. Warm regards = If we ever meet I’ll probably try to smell your hair.

10. Warmest regards = …and I don’t mean the hair on your head.

11. Sincerely = Insincerely

12. Faithfully = The internet is a hub of pornography and violence and I think the world’s problems would be solved if everyone just wrote handwritten letters.

13. Yours = There’s a picture of you on my pillow.

14. Cheers = Look how normal I am.

15. Cheers mate = Look how normal I am, now let’s get to the pub.

16. Ta = I am too busy to write whole words, so this noise shall suffice.

17. Bye = Fuck you.

18. Good-bye = Fuck everyone.

19. Best wishes = I have to write something here, and this will do.

20. Best = I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for lunch.

21. Very best = I know what I’m going to have for lunch now and I’m super psyched.

22. All the best = Drinking time!

23. [Your name] = I can spell my own name!

24. [Your initial] = I can’t quite spell my own name.