This man is our hero.
Roberto Carlos, known as TheUniverseMan on Twitter, lived with a group of girls for a week and shared his experience online. His observations are so hilarious and on point, that the thread has since gone viral.
Ladies, we might think it's all been said before - we take ages to get ready, we're always giggling together, we talk about men a lot - blah, blah, blah. When it comes to describing what we're like as a group, Roberto Carlos' perspective had us banged to rights.
TheUniverseMan we take our hats off to you (which we obviously don't pack in our suitcases until it's time to leave the house). Read the Twitter thread in full.
1) When girls get in from a night out, literally anything is the funniest thing that has ever happened. “OMG HAHAHAAHAH I JUST ATE A CARROT”
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
2) When girls are trying to be quiet they make most of their noise with the “SSSHHHHHHHHHHH”
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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3) There is one designated mum in every group. She takes everyones make up off, provides water and makes sure everyone is home.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
4) I went for a shower and there was organized clumps of hair on the wall?????
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
5) They bring a staggering amount of toiletries. I am speaking masses and masses. Shelves, bags and even the floor were littered with numerous bottles.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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6) So boys, I found out girls have actual tape that goes on their boobs when they wear a low cut top to make the shape of their boobs nice or something???? Like glorified duct tape
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
7) Also, there were these weird flower shaped things on the table. Found out these things are actually stuck on girls nipples. Found these on the kitchen table.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
8) There are things called chicken fillets and they aren’t the ones you eat
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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9) From 5pm onwards I was refused entry to the toilet area as it was reserved until 11pm for showering and about 3 hours of make up. “no Robbie you can’t go for a shower we need the mirror!!!!!!”
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
10) Girls all share clothes like one big free for all?? “you seen my nice black top?”
“oh yeh babe got it on atm”— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
11) The night out doesn’t end when they get in. oh no. Whilst I was trying to sleep at 5am there was an extended bathroom session about what happened with boys and how nice the burgers were.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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12) These girls just got so hungry when they came back it was mad. Mayo pasta? Yes please babe x
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
13) Anything I said was automatically wrong because I had a penis so I just learned to accept my fate.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
14) Girls spoon each other. A lot.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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15) Girls literally rip apart every text a guy sends them. If you are thinking you are a lad that this hasn’t happened to, your girl is probably laughing at your text right now.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
16) Girls sniff their armpits to see if they smell. “nah not too bad”
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
17) So every night these girls gave me a time we were all heading out. I worked out by the second day that if I added 2.5 hours on to this suggested time, I knew what time we would actually be going out.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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18) By the end of the week my deodorant was empty because “boys deodorant smells better”
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
19) One girl in the group is usually the designated ‘winged eyeliner applicator’. The others seem useless.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
20) If you miss taking your pill two consecutive days in a row you have fucked up your cycle. I became the pill reminder.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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21) ALWAYS REMEMBER TO PUT PRIMER ON BEFORE YOU START YOUR MAKE UP.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
22) “omg im so bloated I can’t wear this” was a phrase heard hourly during the evening getting ready process.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
23) Outfit changes will happen boys. Do yourself a favour and go to sleep. Think she is finally done because she is on her third outfit? Ha.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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24) “should I wear pants in this?”
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
25) girls don’t pack until 30mins before they need to leave because they need half their suitcase every minute.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
26) Girls have two make up bags. One bag with all the make up that they actually use, and one that has absolutely no use at which is full of makeup never touched but is always brought along
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
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27) I tried to give compliments but I was told to fuck off as apparently I was being sarcastic. “you look really nice in that” “ fuck off Robbie”
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
28) Hairgrips everywhere you look. Floor? Hairgrips. Bed? Hairgrips? Shower? Hairgrips.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
29) There will be hair. Everywhere.
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
30) Wake girls up in the morning at your own peril. "Robbie turn your alarms off ffs"
— Roberto Carlos (@TheUniverseMan) December 17, 2017
