You awake, groggy, your limbs feel leaden and heavy. Your mind is foggy, memories sluggishly drift in and out of focus, 'tequilas; debating with a mature student about which member of Steps you'd rather have to sit beside on a long bus journey to Clare; more tequila; shame; trying to see how far you could frisbee throw a coaster; more tequila, more shame' and then - blackness. You can sense the sad, almost sickly sweet residue of stale alcohol exuding from your pours. You can't quite smell it, your nose is yet to come back online, but you know it's there, you can sense that you are, at present, innately disgusting. You open your eyes, a dull flash of pain searing through your head as the dim light of your room hits your retinas and there, you see it. Out of the blackness it comes. You stare at it, this paisley couch sitting upside down on the other couch your room, on the couch that you actually own, and you remember. You remember that you stole an entire couch from the DCU NuBar.
Well, plaudits guys, while some people may sate their inner kleptomaniac, that rears its ugly head when drinking perhaps by stealing a pint-glass, one DCU student did not let reason, logistics, not sanity curb his ambition. Apparently a DCU student, according to DCU's NuBar, has stolen a sofa from the college's student bar. This is an act of thievery that is almost so impressive as to be both commendable and immediately forgiveable.
Or at least, so NuBar seem to think should the person in question return it. They have promised a €100 bar tab to whoever it was that stole the sofa so long as they ensure its safe return. Without having seen the sofa in question, and thus must remain the preserve of conjecture, €100 is surely more than anyone would be able to get for selling a sofa - presumably small enough to be stolen without too much fanfare, and presumably quite damaged from having been stolen by some presumably quite drunken students. As such, it would seem foolhardy for the thief to do anything other than ensure the return of the sofa.
Indeed, €100 is almost certainly enough money for them to reach a point of inebriation sufficient for them to think again think that it would be a good idea to steal the sofa and ransom it for yet another €100.