It's Monday again, Ladies and Gentlemen. Woop de doo. Contain those jumping jacks of joy that I know you're inevitably doing, because it's not all fun and games. Monday is, for most sane human beings, the shittest day of the week. The day when you know you're not getting a lie in for another five torturous mornings. We all get cases of the Monday blues from time to time, or week to week, but fear not, I'm here to help. Here are some simple ways to deal with the Monday blues...
1) Whip Up A Great Breakfast
You're already likely to be stumbling around the house with sleep swollen eyes and a rumbling stomach, so to kick start your day of fun, avoid the soggy cereal and bash out a great breakfast. Eggs, pancakes, a rasher sandwich...Whatever it takes really.
2) Dress To Impress
I know on a Monday morning the last thing most people feel like is doing a wardrobe edit and slipping in to something glitzy (ok maybe not glitzy), but honestly, start out the day by putting a little effort into your Monday look and you'll feel so much better for it. Come three o'clock you're likely to be thanking yourself for not throwing on that hole ridden jumper.
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3) Pump Out The Tunes
Stick in the headphones and bop along (subtly) to some happy songs. There's nothing better than a little light, uplifting, musical entertainment, to distract you from your miserable self.
4) YouTube Animal Videos
The surefire way to happiness is half an hour spent watching the best the animal world has to offer. Whether it's a dog passing out from happiness, a cat playing a keyboard or a pug coming down the stairs, you're guaranteed a giggle or six.
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5) Drink Caffeine By The Bucket-load
I am in no way advocating the overuse of any substances. Drinking six cups of tea however, is sometimes the only way to get successfully through a bleak Monday morning. Go forth and brew to your little hearts content.
6) Go For A Creep
What better way to push through those midday meltdowns, than to distract your mind by gazing upon some luscious eye candy. Skip out for a quick breath of 'fresh air' and stroll near some office buildings to glance upon some babes in formal wear and shiny shoes. Failing that, ladies see above. (You're pretty welcome.)
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7) Eat A Whopper Lunch
Fuck the salad. It's a Monday and we're miserable. Get that gourmet (read, fattening) sandwich and enjoy every little bite. If you can eat it in a park where there will be pretty people to look at( see point 6), then even better.
8) Plan An Adventure
The mere thoughts of a great trip away, a day out or even a date with that weirdo off Tinder, can all distract your mind from the most mundane of Mondays. Never mind that report, hop onto Ryanair and see how far you could fly for €30. Bratislava anyone?
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9) Rock Your Onesie
After a long (loooonnnngggg) day at work, you've survived and are now at home, collapsed on the bed. Congratulations, the most difficult portion of the week is over. The next step to joy? Shimmy out of your smart day clothes and straight into whatever killer onesie you own. Unless it's dinosaur, unicorn or bird themed, then it's far too serious and you'll never be cheery.
10) (Pretend To) Be Loved Up
When all you want to do is smack the bus wanker in front of you who insists on shouting down the phone at his dentist, just dream of getting a nice hug/ spoon/ being told how loved you are, while wearing your pre-mentioned onesie. Or, join the more depressed portion of the population and watch rom coms with your cat and a large box of Quality Street. At least the cat can't dump you.
11) Have An Early Night With Some Mushy Television
This is the final, yet vital step in ensuring that you squeeze the very best out of a rotten Monday. Filled with delicious food, fleeting glances of street babes and feeling really loved and looking totally sexy, take your laptop to bed and watch as much crappy, mindless television as your brain will allow. Then drift off towards that Tuesday and don't forget to thank me in your dreams.
Crappy Monday everyone!
