The Best Ways To Break Up With Your Girlfriend

Every guy who's wanted to break up with his girlfriend has thought endlessly about what is the best way to break the news to her.

The most important thing is that you leave no false hope of you guys ever getting back together. You want a clean break!

Here are the best ways to break up with your girlfriend. Trust us, they'll work EVERY time!

18. Drop the bomb over a 'happy meal' at McDonald's.

Take her out to Maccy Ds, buy her a happy meal. Wait until her face lights up when she opens her toy and hit her with the news. The irony of eating a happy meal during a break-up will be too much for her. She won't know how to react. Now get out of there!

17. Tell her that your other girlfriend doesn't like you dating other people.


Simple. Tell her that your other girlfriend doesn't like you seeing anyone else. A sure-fire way to break-up with your girlfriend!

16. Send her a formal email.

"To whom it may concern, I  am writing to you apropos our previous arrangement..." Use big words and a serious tone in a formal email to her, outlining why you think it's best you see other people.

15. Tell her you've got to move abroad for a job.


Tell her you've got a job in the US or Australia (as far away as possible so she doesn't suggest she follow you) and have to move away immediately.

14. When she's blowing out the candles on her birthday cake, tell her to wish for a new boyfriend.

As soon as she  takes a deep breath and is about to blow out her candles, whisper in her ear: "Wish for a new boyfriend."

13. Have the words spelled out on the big screen at a sporting event.


Present her with the news in front of thousands of people at half-time during a football match. The sheer embarrassment will be harsh but you'll have a great story to tell, and you'll usually get away unscathed.

12. Drive her out to the woods and leave her there.

Kick her out of your car in the middle of nowhere and hightail it out of there! She will get the message.

11. Pretend that you are allergic to her.


Use makeup to make it look like you're breaking out in a rash every time you are around her. Sneeze whenever you see her. "This must be God's way of telling us that he doesn't want us to be together." She'll be upset but should understand.

10. Purposely get caught cheating.

Grab a random girl and make out with her when you are out with your girlfriend. She won't know what to do. You'll probably take a slap to the face, but that'll be the last you'll see of her. Phew!

9. Tell her you're completely broke.


Tell her you've absolutely no money and have no plans to make money. No girl wants a penniless boyfriend. She'll do the break-up for you!

8. Tell her you're parents disallow you from dating her anymore.

Tell her your parents have forbidden you to see her anymore and have threatened to disown you if you disobey them.

7. Tell her you're joining the seminary to become a priest.


Pretend that you have a newfound vocation. You've vowed to live a life of celibacy. "No women (or children) for me."

6. Tell her you're going into a Witness Protection Programme and can't take her with you.

Lie and say that you hold some vital information and your life is at risk. You have to go into hiding to save yourself. Tell her to save herself and forget about you.



Move house, change your address, phone number and delete your Facebook. She'll look for you but she won't find you. SAY NOTHING, she'll eventually get the message.

4. Lock her in the car and shout it through the window.

Steal her keys - jump out of her car and lock the door. Mouth the words through the window: "I'm breaking up with you." She'll have a fit and go crazy in the car, but you'll be LONG gone by the time she gets out!

3. Take her to an expensive restaurant and leave when she goes to the restroom.


Make her think that you're going to 'pop the question.' Wine and dine her. When she gets up to use the restroom, sprint for the exit and head for the hills. She'll have no idea, giving you more time to escape!

2. Tell her you've only got a few weeks to live.

Pretend you have a rare deadly illness and the doctors have only give you weeks to live. Be the romantic and tell her to move on, but that you've always loved her. WARNING: could backfire if she tells you she will spend every minute of her time with you, right up until the end.

1. Tell her that you're gay.

"I like boys now." Gradually ease yourself into a more camp and flamboyant lifestyle. Take some pills and show her that you can't get an erection from her anymore. A drastic measure but it's guaranteed to work!

Ian Smith
Article written by
Ian is a contributing writer for CollegeTimes. He is currently partying his ass off for the Summer having spent the past 7 years at various colleges across the globe. While by no means an athlete, he considers himself a world class darts player... If you tweet him he will not respond.
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