Once upon a time a long time ago, there was group full of single people. And it was joyous. But then they decided to go and get themselves in a "relationship". Dee-fucking-lightful. Before you know it you're the only single chica left in the group, and you find these things occurring to you on a daily basis:
1) Being pitied.
"Don't worry, you'll find someone". Er, thanks. Wasn't worrying about it but I appreciate the pity, now fuck off.
2) Becoming an Agony Aunt.
Since when did you turn into an advice column? I should get paid for this shit.
3) Being set-up.
Did I say I wanted to go on a blind date with your boyfriend's cousin's neighbour's friend's mate in college?
4) Getting drunk.
Most likely often, and alone. Does becoming one half of a couple make people allergic to getting drunk?
5) Having outrageous sex stories.
You find yourself having much more sex than your friends in relationships anyway.
6) Being judged.
Aaaand then you get judged for said sex stories. Fuck off.
7) Having to deal with being a third wheel.
Because couple have to go everywhere together. All the time.
8) Getting sick of your friends boy/girlfriend.
Yeah, they're great and everything (I suppose) but can you leave them at home just this once.
9) Immense amounts of free time.
With everyone else being all busy in lurrrve you're left alone with nothing to do. It's cool. Netflix is my friend.
10) Going through things alone.
Getting the Morning After pill without your mate just isn't the same.
11) Is this cheesy or am I jealous?
When you hear cute things that your friends get from their other half, you laugh it off because it's disgustingly cheesy but you know, deep down, that you're a little bit jealous.
12) Making new friends.
Your friends disappear into their couple cocoon on a night out so you're forced to mingle with strangers, making some great drunk friends in the process.
13) One night stands.
Being told you should get tested after them, by your once fellow single friend. Fuck off you're not my mam.
14) Being your own wing woman.
You don't even need anyone else, you get the job done by yourself.
15) Having no one to listen to your stories.
Any of your wild stories are met with rolling eyes or crappy fake laughs. Oh yeah because your night in with a pizza was so much more exciting?
16) They don't care.
They say they're jealous of you being single and you can do whatever you want blah blah blah, but in reality you know they don't care about what you do because being in a relationship is just the best.
17) Getting the same sad pep talk ALL THE TIME.
Don't you give me the puppy eyes. BEING SINGLE IS OKAY.
18) Not giving a fuck about anything.
When you're the only single one left, you learn to not really care and just go and do you.