There are certain things that I, as a lesbian, experience in my day to day life that my straight friends do not. I'm not complaining, as such, just pointing things out, ok? Here are 15 problems every lesbian understands and no, I'm fairly sure I'm not pregnant....
1) Her Mother Thinks You've Turned Her Daughter Gay
Yep, it's all your fault that her daughter is now a raging homosexual. Just wait til she shaves her head, gets 12 new facial piercings and joins a Satanist cult. That'll show her who's boss.
2) You Watch A "Gay" Movie For 3 hours Just For That ONE Gay Scene
And then the "gay scene" turns out to be two very straight women sharing a very reluctant snog. Great, so worth it.
3) Your Doctor Insists On Giving You Pregnancy Tests
Because "I'm gay" isn't a valid excuse as to why you couldn't possibly be pregnant. I assure you, there have been no man fluids near my precious lady parts.
4) Straight Girls Are Your Personal Form Of Torture
The pull of what you can't have is never stronger than in the form of the one beautiful, but very hetero girl you work with. It literally hurts.
5) Stereotyping Is Basically The Bane Of Your Life
Having to deal with "but you don't look like a lesbian" on a regular basis because you don't wear checked shirts or converse and you absolutely adore your long hair is just a bit shit really. I can't win, can I?
6) I Know I'm Gay, But He's Still Hot
You're very comfortable in your sexuality, but there's always going to be one guy you think is hot, and your friends don't understand this at all. You'd never sleep with him because well, you're gay, but no one said you couldn't look.
7) Is She Gay Or Do I Just Wish She Was?
Staring at a cute girl in public, not knowing whether she's into you or just wondering why you're creeping on her is almost PAINFULLY problematic. Wink at me, go on.
8) Are You Flirting With Me Or Am I Wishing You Were?
This is the other side to not knowing the sexuality of your crush. Are they flirting with you? Or do they really just want to know what time it is? So many questions.
9) That ONE Guy You Dated That Everyone Likes To Remind You Of
So everyone experiments, right? You dated one guy. ONE. That's something you'd like to bury very very far in your closet and yet it seems to be an appropriate topic EVERY time someone mentions the fact that you're a lesbian. "Waiitttt a second, didn't you date that guy that one time?" *Sigh*
10) Not Being Able To Concentrate on Clothes When Online Shopping
Buying bras is so difficult when you can't stop staring at her boobs. Or hers. Or that model's legs and how great they would look wrapped around.... okay stop right there. CLOTHES. I NEED CLOTHES.
Seriously?? I'm FREAKING GAY. This is of no use to me whatsoever.
12) Having Your Period At The Same Time As Your Girlfriend
They do say that two is better than one right? Well trust me, they were wrong in this case. SO. VERY. WRONG.
13) Guys Hitting On You
Awkwardly explaining to the really sweet guy that you're a lesbian.... or staring daggers at the guy who claims to be a "cure" for lesbians. Either way, you want to die inside every single time this happens.
14) Lesbians Don't [Insert meaningless babble]
Don't watch porn, don't scissor, don't shave. Whatever it is, STOP. Lesbians are people too, people of this planet Earth. And we do what we want purely based on preference, not whatever Cosmo's latest lesbian section is saying.
15) Never Having The Nails To Do Anything
Want to peel an orange? Take your hair tie out? Lesbians have never known a sacrifice so wounding. We can't even wear pretty fake nails for the love of God.