The Emotional Lifecycle Of A Condom Breaking

You started hooking up and then things went a little further...he went to put on the condom cause God knows he's not getting inside you without one...he's riding you and then...shit...why's he making that face? Are you doing something wrong? No...no shit...that didn't happen...that's NOT supposed to happen...the condom broke.

1. I'm Pregnant. Right Now. Already. A Full Grown Baby Is Inside Me.

This is it. This is the end. I feel it. I feel it growing inside me, there's a baby inside me!!! *Puts hands self-consciously on stomach.* I am NOT going to look hot in maternity pants.

2. Why Does Sex Lead To Babies???

Why does something so good produce something so bad!?! Dirty diapers and vomit and crying all night??? Sex is EVIL!!! Why, God, why???

3. My Parents Are Going To Kill Me.


Wait, I'm not going to have a baby. I'm gonna be DEAD. My parents are going to KILL me when they find out. Maybe I shouldn't tell them. Maybe I should run away. Or maybe they'd want to raise this child and hope it turns out purer than me...





WAIT! I don't know anything about babies! What do they eat? Mush!? Am I supposed to talk to it? How do I hold it - don't their heads snap back it something if you hold it wrong?

5. I Hate This Guy.

If sperm-machine over here thinks he's not sticking this out he's got another thing coming. He can just drop out of school and get a job right now, support me and my child. The sex wasn't even that good...

6. I'm Never Having Sex Again.

That's it. This isn't worth it. I'm never having sex again. What's the point??? 15 minutes for 18 years of taking care of a child?? No thank you, not for me. I'm not sleeping around to wind up like the Duggar family with 19 kids and a fucking bus to cart them around in.


7. *Gets Period Two Weeks Later*

8. Okay, I'll Probably Have Sex Again.

Oh. That wasn't so bad. No baby. Wasn't thrown out of my house....yeah, I'm gonna go call that guy, see if he's DTF.

Video: How Do You Feel About Condoms?


Credit: BuzzFeedYellow

Casey Schmauder
Article written by
Casey Schmauder is a third year student at the University of Pittsburgh studying nonfiction writing and psychology, currently enjoying a study abroad in Ireland writing for CollegeTimes and TeenTimes.
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