Why You Should Never Try And Be The Fixer In A Relationship

There are some girls out there who can't help going after the guy who needs to be "fixed". The moody guy, the man-whore, the angry guy, the mysterious one. They see his personality as a challenge, and accept it, much like Barney Stinson. Just as some guys can't resist the chase, some girls can't resist a guy with a major flaw. They think that all they need is the right person in their life, a.k.a THEM, and they'll make them perfecto and life will be happily ever after.

Er, no. Basing a relationship on the fact that you think the other person is flawed and NEEDS you, is not a good foundation. First of all, no one really needs anybody else. Yeah, it can make life a hell of a lot more fun if you have someone by your side, but ultimately if we don't, we get on by just the same. We don't die if we're not in a relationship, although it may seem like that when you adopt your seventh cat. But as hard as it may seem, we don't need someone else to survive.


Having the mentality that you're all someone needs is kind of fucked up. A lot of the time, this idea stems from nowhere. It could be from films and T.V. shows containing "damaged" guys who clearly just need a bit of luvin', but newsflash girls, you're not the solution. Maybe they actually have some serious anger issues and need a lot more than home cooked meals and blowjobs to cure them of their ailments. The age old notion that bad guys are attractive comes into play here. The bad guy in this case could be a commitment-phobe who just needs to be shown that a relationship will be good for them. Convincing yourself that if you just show them that you're loyal, sexy and patient will not just suddenly make them want to be in a relationship, believe me.

And what about feminism? It's so damaging to not only yourself, but to women as a whole to think that your purpose on this earth is to fix a man. Girl, you're worth so much more than that. Don't waste your time trying to make that guy who spends his time brooding, open up to you. Yes, he may be sexy as hell, but just because you make yourself available for him to share his feelings with you, doesn't mean he will.



Going after some guy because you think he needs fixing will never work out. Mainly because if he does need to be fixed and he doesn't know this, he won't react to anything you do. We all know how much we over think things when we fancy someone, and we can see things in a warped way. You may think you have sufficient evidence to show him that all he needs is for you to fix him, but in actual fact the situation could be vastly different. Sometimes you can use the excuse that he needs to be fixed to make up for the fact that nothing is happening between the two of you. But face it, maybe he just isn't that into you. Deciding in your head that yes, all that this guy needs is to be shown I'm here for him, will do nothing. You'll waste your time.

But let's be honest here. Who are you to decide if someone is broken? Not cool. No one really and truly knows what goes on in someone's head. Maybe the reason why that guy isn't sharing things with you is because he doesn't like you. Bet you never thought of that. How can you just know that someone needs to be fixed? It's just insulting really. Unless you have a degree in psychology, then I strongly suggest that you leave diagnoses like that to the professionals.


How about we just switch the roles here for a second. How would you feel if a guy pursued you just because he thinks you're damaged, and he reckons that he's the magic solution to fix you? It'd be pretty shit, wouldn't it? And let's not forget that if you're going after someone purely because you want to fix them, well then it basically says that you don't even really like them as a person. They are not a puzzle that needs solving. They're a person, not a challenge. Thinking that you're the perfect person to fix them is not a good enough reason to have a relationship with them. It won't end well. Maybe they do need to be fixed, and if they do, then you won't be able to do the fixing. Don't waste your precious time here going after someone thinking you can change them, it won't work. People are who they are and if they change, it's in their own time and down to their own decisions.

Clodagh McMeel
Article written by
Self-confessed cat lady, Clodagh is known for her sneezing and laziness. She is most often found on the couch or in bed, usually accompanied by her laptop and pizza. When she isn't doing nothing, she studies English and French in Maynooth. But that's very rare.
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