Football fans can be temperamental beasts at the best of times, but when the big game’s on and things get tense, there are some things you just shouldn’t do around them. Unless you have a death wish, that is.
If you’re on your way to a mate’s to watch the game and aren’t the most avid of footy fanatics, avoid these ten cardinal sins of football viewing and you may just escape in one piece!
1. Ring them on your way over
You may want to give them a quick call so that they know you’re nearly there, but chances are they couldn’t care less. The witty football commentary is much more important than you banging on about the weather!
2. Then walk in and stand in front of the telly
You make a better door than a window! Avoid blocking the telly at all costs. Crawl, commando roll or slide under it if you have to, or be prepared for the rugby tackle that follows.
3. Make your way over to the couch and sit on the remote
Look before you leap. Or before you sit down, as the case may be. Sitting on the remote is a rookie mistake, and can have disastrous consequences. Turning off the TV just before a goal is a red card offence if there ever was one!
4. Try and take the last beer
Or take any of the beer, for that matter. If you didn’t bring it, don’t drink it! Popping out to get some isn’t an option either, opening the door for you the first time cost valuable viewing seconds!
5. Or munch on a packet of crisps
Ah, crisps. The noisiest of all snacking foods. There’s literally no way to eat a packet of crisps silently. If you must, suck until soggy and swallow.
6. Then hoover up the mess
Add fuel to the fire of hatred and rage that’ll be burning inside your mate by now by whacking out the hoover and getting on with some impromptu housekeeping. Or just don’t eat the crisps in the first place.
7. Whatever you do, don’t root for the wrong team
It’s a good idea to check who your friend supports before heading over, or you could make the fatal error of cheering for the wrong team. The shirt they’re wearing might give you a little bit of a clue.
8. Or ask about the offside rule
No matter how much they try and explain it, no one really understands the offside rule. Save them from fumbling over their words and embarrassing themselves by just not asking them in the first place.
9. NEVER say those dreaded five words
As mature, sensible adults, we know that actually, football is just a game. Few football fans will appreciate the idea of someone belittling their favourite pastime though, so best not to, eh?
10. And a consolation hug = Kicked out for good
The final nail in the coffin if things didn’t end well. A consolation hug to a devastated football fan is the ultimate insult and should never be engaged in. Not even if they look, really, really sad.