10 Ways To Be The Perfect Wingman

Are you trying to improve your scoring rate with the ladies? Maybe you need a wingman. Many guys these days, or lads I should say, try to undermine their mates when trying to score. This is immature and it fucks everyone over, it becomes a vicious cockblocking circle. To boost the success of everyone in your friend group, I suggest you fellas up your wingman game. Do you have what it takes to be a true friend  nay, a true hero? If so, just pay close attention to these 10 ways to be the perfect wingman:

1) He's your motivator

Before going once more into the breach, the great wingman will psych up his pointman. He's going to get those confidence levels to their absolute peak before going forth to recreate...

2) He reads the signs

As soon as they hit the party, pub or club, the ideal wingman gets to work. He reads the lay of the land to see what's up.

3) He obeys the dibs system


If a man cannot trust in the sanctity of calling dibs on a girl, we are no better than animals.

4) He dives in

The true wingman does not give a flying fuck, so he can barge into another group's conversation, be rude, be intrusive, and it's all good. Ultimately, the more of a dickhead he is, the more of a saint the pointman looks when he comes in to apologise for his infantile friend. The mindgames have begun.

5) He presents you

He draws all eyes to you by giving a flattering introduction, immediately making you the centre of attention. A true magician, he misdirects the audience while he works his magic.


6) He asks the awkward questions

Well, the awkward question: does the girl have a boyfriend? He can cut right to the chase because he has nothing to lose. If she is taken, the wingman can pull his guy out of there and start the search afresh.

7) He's also a hype man

It's the wingman's job to hype his pointman up to a legendary status. The pointman should be presented as the ultimate man, godlike even, and any female should be honoured to have him. A good tactic for a wingman is to tell the emotional story of how the pointman saved him from drowning as a child. Manipulative? Yes. But more importantly, effective.


8) He creates diversions

The nemesis of the wingman are the meddling friends. These are the friends who just wanted a girly night out and will attempt to fend off anyone. The wingman must distract the others, so that the pointman may swoop in and start conversation with the girl he's had his eye on.

9) He'll take a grenade

Sometimes, however, ladies will travel in pairs and the unwritten rule is that one will score only if the other scores too. In a golden scenario, both pointman and wingman would perfectly pair up with this couple of girls. But if one is, let's say, somewhat less attractive, the truly heroic wingman take one for the team and get with her. We commend all those brave soldiers who've had to take a grenade for the greater good.

10) He makes the match and fades away

His work here... Is done.

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Seán Kenehan
Article written by
Seán has been told by some that he resembles a young Hugh Laurie, but more people have tried to hire him as a Noddy impersonator. Something of a film fan, a pub quiz is one of the few situations in which he is even remotely useful. Seán enjoys the occasional beverage of the alcohol variety, Salt & Vinegar crisps, and referring to himself in the third person.

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