13 Legendary Facts About Alcohol That Are False

Everyone knows that Whiskey drinkers are supposed to be the angry drunks who are always up for starting fights, whereas the gin drinkers get all emotional and cry about their pet dogs breaking up. And if you break the seal, you'll be pissing all night, right? And you should never drink wine before beer. But are these facts actually true? Or is it total bullshit? Let's break it down and find out...

1) Whiskey Makes You Angry, Etc

A lot of people believe that the vodka drinkers are the party animals, beer drinkers are chill, whiskey drinkers are fighters and so on. This is an indication of their personality, not the effects that alcohol is having on them. That'd be like saying people who have batter burgers are artistic, but those who like cheese and garlic fries make better lovers. Alcohol has the same effect, no matter what variety it comes in. The only factors that might change that are the amount you drink, and maybe mixers (something with high caffeine or sugar might make people more hyper).



2) Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker

A lot of people believe that spirits before beer can make you get drunk far quicker. The idea is that beer is a 'softer' drink, and that moving from that onto the hard stuff can accelerate the effects of the beer and get you absolutely wasted in a toilet cubicle, throwing up a chicken kebab into your lap because you can't find the toilet. This is actually untrue. A shot is one unit of alcohol, just like a beer is one unit of alcohol. The reason it feels like you're getting drunk faster is because you either tend to have multiple shots in one go in quick succession or you order a beer immediately afterwards, so you're alcohol intake has greatly increased. No matter what you're drinking, pacing is the most important factor.


3) Fizzy Drinks = A Bubbly Head

Everyone knows the reason a jagerbomb gets you way drunker is because the bubbles......transport.....alcohol?.....into your bloodstream.......faster. Right? Nope, sorry, that's bullshit. It can feel that way because you get a great buzz. Actually, energy drinks and fizzy drinks tend to mask the sedative effects of alcohol, which usually tells you when to stop drinking. So you keep going, and get far more drunk than you would normally.

4) Mixing Spirits

This is almost the exact same as the previous example, in that people who mix different spirits tend to be taking in more alcohol than normal at a faster pace which, as a result, can make you feel as though you are getting drunk much quicker than if you were drinking something straight. Unfortunately, this has not been scientifically proven but has been generally agreed upon. Studies have actually revealed that, on occasion, drinking spirits straight can get you more drunk than an equal mix of two spirits. So, yeah, it's still a mystery basically.


5) Breaking The Seal

Everyone knows that once you break the seal for the first time, you'll be pissing all night long, at regular intervals, usually when you're about to score with someone really hot. But is that true? Well sort of, but it has nothing to do with going the first time. Alcohol just makes you pee a lot more because it prevents a lot of water absorption, which is a time-consuming process. So, whereas if you were drinking pints of water, it'd do the rounds and then be absorbed, alcohol literally just goes in one end of your system and out the other.

6) In Vino Veritas

This old Latin phrase means "In wine there is truth". We've all been there, right? If he likes you, get him drunk. He'll be honest with you then. Yeah, right. And I suppose guys hook up with hairy mingers because they're truly obsessed with female moustaches? The truth is, alcohol makes you far more likely to go against your moral code. You feel less burdened with responsibility and so you spend your taxi fare, you get into pointless fights and you do most anything to get the ride. Is that who we really are? I don't think so....for most of us anyway.




7) Darker Drinks Have More Alcohol

You may have heard that dark lagers and red wines will definitely get you more drunk on a night out than pale beers or white wines. There isn't a single grain of truth to all this but grains do figure into the equation: the dark colours are simply an indication of the grains used in beers. The alcohol content varies from drink to drink, but darker drinks do contain more toxic chemicals, which causes worse hangovers.

8) Old Wine = Good Wine


It's pretty reasonable for people to believe that the older the wine is, the better quality it is. And while an old wine is usually a sign that it has been well fermented, not all wines require this process. Some wines are at their pique as soon as they've been bottled and don't improve at all with age. So the next time you see a Merlot (2015), just remember, it might be the best wine you've ever drunk.



9) Puking Solves All Your Problems

Everyone knows that if you get absolutely wasted, having a quick sick is basically a reset button. It makes you feel great, you're not as wasted as you were before and it stops you having a terrible hangover. This sadly just isn't true. Alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream almost immediately, so whatever you throw up is going to contain a fairly small amount of alcohol anyway. You might feel a little better afterwards simply because you go a while without drinking. But it won't affect your hangover whatsoever: you're in for a shit morning.


10) Eating After A Night Out Soaks Up Alcohol

Another hangover prevention myth is that if you get a dirty big plate of chips, or a curry, or a pizza then it'll soak up any alcohol left in your system. And sure, that might be true, but the odds of there being any alcohol left by the end of the night are pretty much nil. In fact, eating greasy food after drinking can cause an acid reflux, which makes your stomach feel like a public toilet in a shitty amusement park.

11) Alcohol Kills Brain Cells

It's all too easy to assume this is true when you see someone hitting a set of traffic lights with a giant inflatable penis. However, alcohol doesn't actually kill brain cells, it just interferes with the electrical communication being sent to the brain. The time it takes for you to pull your hand away from something hot is how long it takes a message to be sent normally. When you're drunk, these messages take longer and are distorted, which results in imbalance and dodgy, badly spelled text messages to your ex.


12) Coffee And Cold Showers Can Cure Hangovers

Bullshit, but you surely knew that already. While coffee and cold showers can wake you up, and get rid of some of the symptoms of a hangover, it doesn't actually reduce the time you will have a hangover. Every unit of alcohol takes one hour to process (and they don't start processing until they actually reach the liver) so you just have to wait it out.

13) Drinking After A Big Meal Stops You Getting Drunk

If you have a huge meal before heading out for the night, it feels like it takes forever to get a proper buzz on. But while eating a big meal definitely slows down the process, it doesn't last all night. It takes longer for your stomach to process food and alcohol at the same time. However, once the food has been digested, the process of alcohol speeds right back up again. Food digestion takes from 6-8 hours, so provided you don't have a meal around 9 o'clock, you'll still get a good buzz on by the end of the night.

Harry Mason
Article written by
Imported from the back-arse of nowhere, Harry Mason writes about whatever the voices in his head tell him to write about. This often includes sex, drugs and video games... sometimes all three.

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