1. You went to college so you wouldn’t have to get a real job.
This also applies to undertaking a PHD or Masters just so you wouldn’t have to get a job, because we all know real life is hard.
2. You use every single excuse not to go.
Now you live away from home, college attendance is non-mandatory. With no parents to make you go, you capitalise on the weakest of excuses: it’s raining, it’s cold, you’re hung over, the grass is wet, there’s a sale on in town, Home and Away is on, you’re mourning the loss of a relationship…that ended a year ago.
3. Homework is not a thing.
Didn’t homework stop being a thing after secondary school? College and homework...what?
4. You’ve never been in the library to study.
You know your college has a library, but you have no idea where your courses’ books are, and you’re pretty sure the only times you were actually in there was to go on your Twitter, change your Fantasy Football team, or to talk to your housemate/friend.
5. People in your course are so much more efficient.
They talk about having the work done a week in advance or how they pulled an all-nighter, and the only all-nighter you're familiar with is watching reruns of Geordie Shore or playing GTA V. What exactly do people *do* on all-nighter?
6. You write all your essays/assignment the day they’re due.
And even then you don’t actually start until four in the morning and you take breaks every ten minutes to check Facebook. Chances are, you may end up falling asleep at your desk and sleeping through the deadline instead of going to college and handing it in.
7. Assignments with page counts make you happy.
Word counts are exact. A ten page essay? No problem. 72 font and a picture per page and you’ll be done in no time. College is easy, see?
8. You’re dangerously close to failing a module…
But repeats exist for a reason, right?
9. You spend all your time in class on your phone.
Facebook, Twitter, games, and apps. Really, smartphones exist to make you stupid, but you just know if you try once more you will actually beat level 97 in Candy Crush Saga.
10. You hate that one person who always asks/answers questions.
Hate them. It’s gotten to the stage where you have a mean nickname for them and every time they speak, their voice grates so bad you want to throw something at them. But you do not, because you know that really, your hate is irrational and you’re a tiny bit jealous of how put-together they are--at least with college work.
11. You’re a master liar.
When your mam rings to get the gossip and ask what you’re having for dinner, you make up whole stories about class and tell her make-believe grades and all about how good you’re doing.
12. Group projects are amazing.
Group projects, (noun): where two or three other people do much of the work, and on the day, you plug your USB in and read from a PowerPoint that doesn’t match with theirs...but you turned up so you get props for that.
13. There’s one module you’ve never been to./Your classmates don’t know you.
Usually, this is the first morning class after your weekly night out. (Generally, this means whatever class happens on Thursday morning.) You don’t actually realise how bad your attendance is until someone in your class or your lecturer passes a comment about how they thought you’d dropped out or asks: “have you always been in this class?”
But all that said, somehow you will pass and get a degree and leave college as an actual grown up.