Have you ever wanted to learn how to pretend to feel real emotions? How to kick a ball? How to date a sociopath? Strangely enough, wikiHow seems to think that these are burning questions that we need the answers to. And it's kinda hilarious. Here are 15 of the most bizarre 'How to's' on the site.
1) How to cook tarantula spiders.
The only thing ANYONE should be doing with spiders is running very, very, very far away from them. Stat.
2) How to prepare for Doomsday.
I'd tell you how, but I'm not allowed to talk about it. (See number 6.)
3) How to become friends with a squirrel.
Okay, this advice I need in my life. Although seriously, who thinks up shit like this???
4) How to take teddy on a plane.
Awwww, is Teddy going on a plane? Is he a little bit scared? That's okay! With Wikihow, you can go completely bananas and start talking to your stuffed animals just like you did when you were 6. Yay!
5) How to embrace your foot fetish.
This one I really shouldn't mock - it's probably very difficult to tell the feet you love that you have a fetish for the person attached to them. Wait, no. Dammit, WikiHow.
6) How to avoid talking about the end of the World.
I couldn't read this article because the 1st rule about the world ending is WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE WORLD ENDING.
7) How to be a gorgeous Asian girl.
YES! Just what I'm looking for. I'm sick of being a caucasian Irish girl, so thanks to WikiHow, I'm going to change my entire ethnicity. Just like that. In fact, I've shared this with my best friend, and he's going to be a gorgeous Asian girl too. WOOP!
8) How to buy a present for a Catholic priest.
Yeah, I'm just gonna leave this one here and back away. FAR away.
9) How to act around Grandpa
Well certainly don't treat him like another member of the family cause, yikes that might set him off, and last time it took us two hours to find his teeth again.
10) How to end a relationship with a Gemini.
This is actually 100% valid advice, all Gemini's are evil and out to get you. Are you dating one? They're probably plotting your murder right now. Get out while you still can my friend.
11) How to avoid leaving DNA at a scene.
Okay now you're scaring me, WikiHow.
12) How to use your socks as sponges.
Okay ... EWWWW. This one is just gross.
13) How to survive in Federal Prison.
"I really want to murder lots of people ... but what if my fellow inmates don't like me???" It's a real problem.
14) How to boy proof your room.
Yes!! Something that's finally of use to me! GO GIRLS.
15) How to begin people watching.
I *think* that might be called stalking. Also might be incredibly illegal. But at least I know how to survive in Federal prison when I'm caught, right?