It's that time of the year again, where girls don their best fashion festival looks while pretending to be there for the music. Fashion festival has become a uniform - everyone tends to wear the same thing in an effort to nail that music festival look. Every year I see the same sh*t, and it needs to stop, right now!
1) Wearing Bindis
Unless it's for religious reasons, you need to stop wearing Bindis immediately. You think that you look super cool and chilled, when really, you look like an idiot who has no knowledge of worldwide religions. It's also kinda offensive. Same goes for the Indian Chief headdresses - just don't do it. It's one thing incorporating your religion into your fashion sense, but when it's not even your own religion, then you just look like an idiot. You don't see a Hindi woman wearing rosary beads in a field in India now, do you?
2) Thinking They're Boho Goddesses
I don't know why you think a crochet top and a pair of cut-offs is Boho, but it's not. "Oh I'm just so free and chill and one with the music. I saw Vanessa Hudgens wear this so it must be cool. I like literally belong at Coachella. " Go home please.
3) Wearing Flower Crowns
Just stop it. Lana Del Rey made flower crowns cool for like 5 seconds, but it's 2015 now and they're just comical at this stage. You know that girl in your town who's trying to make it as a model, so she has photos of her in a field gazing into the distance while wearing Penny's finest 2005 Spring Summer collection? Yeah, that's what you look like. Shame.
4) Asses, Asses Everywhere
For the love of God, please find a pair of shorts that actually cover where they're supposed to cover. I mean, you paid €55 in Topshop for those and they're not even doing their main function. At least tie a shirt around your waist and spare my precious retinas.
5) Covering Themselves In Makeup
I don't know if you realise this, but all of that contouring is going to disappear as you're going to either sweat it off, or the rain will wash it off. Blotchy foundation is not a good look love. Keep your makeup natural and save yourself the hassle of checking it every half an hour, ok?
6) Dressing The Same As Literally Everyone Else, Literally
Every single girl looks the same at a festival. All of them. There's no uniform for festivals, so you can wear whatever the hell you like - why would you want to look like everyone else?? You all look like a really shitty girl band. Have you ever tried, I don't know, getting some originality?
7) Not Rocking Their Own Style
Again, girls feel as though they have to dress a certain way at a festival. Not only will you look like someone else, but you're not even sticking to your own style. Sure, today you're a carefree Bohemian hippie with a skirt made from wheat, but tomorrow you'll be back to your Michael Kors handbag and your bandage dress. Does someone smell a basic bitch up in here?
8) Wearing Face Paint/ Diamantes/ Glitter
You look like a 5-year old's art project. And also an idiot. You're not cool, you're not Kesha. Just stop it.
9) Taking A Ridiculous Amount of Photos
I get that you want to make memories and all, but have you tried actually enjoying yourself instead of documenting every single moment? You're missing the act because you're too busy deciding whether to pick X-Pro II or Valencia. Your Snapchat story does not need to be over 400 seconds long, I promise you.
10) Stealing Guys' Hats/ Sunglasses
No, it's not cute. They actually find it really annoying and they'll probably hate you for it, just saying.
11) Sitting On Some Guy's Shoulders
Great, now all that people behind you can see is your ass... which is more than likely hanging out of your denim shorts. Don't be so selfish and stand on your own two feet like the rest of us mere mortals.
12) Being A Drunk Ass Mess
We all want to enjoy ourselves, but you being a drunken idiot after having a naggin of vodka is possibly the most irritating thing on the planet. Also, falling around the place is one thing, but if you get sick, that's it, game over, you're officially disgusting my friend.
13) Being High Maintenance
"Wait a minute I need to fix my hair and makeup for the 100th time today. I don't care if Hozier is on, I need a new profiler."
14) Complaining About Everything
"My hair is so greasy. My makeup is horrible. I'm so mucky. My feet hurt. I'm cold." Newsflash: You're at a festival!! If you didn't want to get dirty and be outside, then maybe you should've stuck to an indoor concert. Everyone is in the same boat and you're not that special.
Oh here we go again.... crying over your ex. This was like totally your song. He loved this band. He was such an arsehole, I get it. Alcohol and emotions do not mix and right now, I wish I wasn't mixing with you, to be bluntly honest.
16) Being Careless With Their Phone
You could create a great drinking game for every time you saw a girl crying over their phone being stolen. Here's a tip, stop Instagramming every 10 minutes and hide your phone. You swinging it around is basically you saying "Oh look at me I'm drunk and stupid! Here's my phone, thieves, come and steal it because I guarantee you I won't notice. Oh I put it away? Don't worry I'll take it out again in 2 minutes for my 785th photo with my bestie."
17) Peeing Anywhere They Want
Stop being such a disgusting human being and use the portaloo. No, it's not funny. No you're not 'one of the lads' or such a 'mad bitch'. No one thinks it's funny, everyone is judging you and you will forever be known as that dirty chick that peed on a tent.
18) Dancing Aggressively
There's already limited space as it is, you throwing your arms around and standing on people's feet is not going to help. And please, please don't ever attempt to twerk. Please?
19) Getting Too Frisky
Not that you shouldn't do whatever your libido desires, but in all seriousness, it's a public place and it's not the time to be engaging in sex acts. This one goes for both sexes. Keep it PG guys and always remember, stay classy.