27 Ridiculous Drunk Texts That'll Make You Feel Better About Your Own Life

There's nothing quite like re-reading your text messages the morning after a heavy night out. The fear and shame of it all can sometimes just become too much. Here are 27 of the funniest drunk texts you'll ever come across....

2. I received an amazing text from my best friend at 1am once reading:“Don’t me filed by the rocks they o for I’m still in some kreny from the clock.”
I think she was trying to tell me that she’s still, she’s still Jenny from the block.
3. I was drunk-texting my friend the night of my 21st birthday party. She asked me where my friends were and I replied with, “Tequila is not my friend.”
4. My ex-boyfriend and I got separated while out one night. He responded to my Where are you? text with: “I don’t know. I live in the rubble.” He had passed out in a construction area.
6. Merry furking christonchristoncs.” Sent to my new boss on Christmas Eve at 2am.
7. Once sent a friend of mine a panicked text reading RACCOONS HAVE HANDS” after a night out. I’m an animal studies graduate. Apparently the concept of raccoons having hands overwhelms drunk me.
8. My friend: “Are you getting white girl wasted?
Me: No, I’m getting white boy wasted because FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!
10. I texted my younger sister when I was drunk once and all it said was, I am a bad role model, I want an egg,” in all caps.
11. Not too bad, but last year I sent a text in what I can only assume was a booty call to the guy I was talking to. It said Drunky drunk I am, Yoda-style.
12. “I really want chicken. or a hot boyfriend. but I’m not about the commitment, and I’m really craving KFC."
“Guys someone has taken Sherman my sheep.”
“Right where the fuck is Sherman?
15. I once drunk-texted a friend about 400 of the snail emojis. No words, just so many snails.
16. I love you more than the seas part.”
18. Once I drunk-texted someone who I liked what looked to be an attempt at a formal letter.
So embarrassing. He just responded with Well that’s an odd text”.
19. I’m goign to hve a party and th eonly people who are invitrd are Lana del Rey and Amy Pholeer,” sent to my friend after at least six too many shots of rum.
20. I texted someone I had “relations” with while I was drunk. I tried to type “I’m sorry” but in my intoxicated state spelt “sorry” wrong. My phone autocorrected the message so it said I’m dirty.”
22. I sent a drunk text to myself about my husband that said: He said Ariana Grande was hot and when you said something about her being super young and skinny he said ‘yeah….’ instead of telling you how wonderful you are. Don’t forget this shit!”
23. My hats contain science and animal violence. Still to this day do not know what I was getting at. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
24. Once texted a friend saying: Kat has a tampon stuck in her cabins.” I don’t know anyone named Kat....
26. Just letters. In no particular order. My friend and I have been friends for such a long time that he actually knew what I was trying to say, and responded with a coherent answer.
27. And finally…I believe the convo went like this:
Me: “mulm
Mom: “What honey?
Me: “i thizk a pibeapple ate my dog”

H/T Buzzfeed

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