In today's culture, bars/nightclubs have become a melting-pot of social interaction for people all across the board. Whether you're popping in for a quiet night-cap before bed, or preparing for a week long bender on a post-exam rush, the same few recurring characters always seem to be hanging about. Based on my experience as a bar-tender, I've compiled a short list of the 5 people you're likely to meet at a bar.
1) The Creepy-Old Dude
This guy always looks like he's on the wrong end of a 70cl of Jack Daniels. He's at least 15 years older than the rest of the crowd at the bar, but that doesn't seem to bother him at all. After a few hours of inappropriate small-talk with a few uninterested victims, he'll call it a night before he pukes all over his crumby, ragged Primark shirt.
Attire: A dirty top with scruffy shoes.
Phrase: 'How do you manage to get any work done with all of these beautiful ladies around?'
2) The Loose C*nt
He was forced out by a few friends with absolutely no intention of getting shitfaced (he has an essay due this week). Yet the awkward sober tension of the night seems to have gotten the better of him, and now he's on mission. Quickly reverting from bottles of Heineken to shots of tequila, barely an hour has passed and he's dancing on the tables.
Attire: A nice, checkered shirt with a pair of ill-fitting denim jeans.
Phrase: 'Can I have 100 quid cash-back please?'
3) The Mean Girls
Travelling around in packs of at least 17,000, these girls only decided to come out tonight when they realized that hot guy from the gym might be going too. Don't be mistaken though, they're not here to mingle. Oh no. Their night will comprise of a painstaking amount of selfies, coupled with a 3 or 4 cheap, but admittedly strong, drinks.
Attire: Fake tan, skimpy skirts and high heels.
Phrase: 'Do I have to pay for the dash with the vodka?'
4) The Bitch
She's only here to keep up appearances. She's miserable with her boring life, and wants everyone else to suffer along with her. Her ice-filled glass Pino Grigio, with a careful blend of 7up and lime, isn't quite cold enough. It won't be long before you can over-hear her bitching about the staff and fellow customers at the bar. Really, why are you here?
Attire: Ridiculous amounts of over-sized jewellery and a Prada bag.
Phrase: 'Can I speak to your manager?'
5) The Tipper
This man is a pure gentleman. He sways into the bar like a breeze in the wind, and generally lifts the atmosphere of the room as he does. As he gently sips away on his scotch on the rocks, or maybe a cheeky craft beer, he'll jump in and out of all the conversations around, leaving smiles and laughter in his path. What a man.
Attire: Slick back hair, tailored Gucci suit with an ascot to match.
Phrase: 'Have one for yourself'