6 Steps for Constructing a Winning Message

We all remember that Christmas after we'd made our confirmation (because for some reason you weren't sufficiently qualified to operate a mobile phone until you'd taken your pledges and sworn your allegiance to the baby Jesus) when we finally received our first Nokia 33-, 34-, (or if you were really lucky) 3510(i).  We look back fondly upon the days when we rote a litl bit lyk dis cs it aktly cst us muny fr evry msag we snt.  But now that we are old and the stresses and strains of student life have made us weary, texting seems to have lost much of its once novel properties.  We no longer need to know what our significant other/fuck-buddy/the-guy-you-shifted-in-Smacs-last-night-and-really-regret-giving-your-number-to-but-at-least-you-got-free-chips-out-of-it "is at" 24-7.  But every once in a while a girl gets a message, a message which will win the boy who is sending it an abundance of get out of jail free cards: a winning message.  To any boy who currently finds himself in the doghouse with his woman, or who simply wants to get a girl's attention, here is how to construct a winning message.

1.  Timing:

There is no better feeling than waking up or falling asleep to a seriously great message.  The type of message which makes you smile a smitten smile and sets you off on your dreams or day feeling great about yourself.  So boys, make your winning message the last one you send her at night or the very first one she opens in the morning.

2.  Why:

Start with why you're sending this message.  This should always relate to you thinking about her, how something she said was just playing on your mind, or how you're just after seeing something that reminds you of her.  Keep it personal but please do refrain from being overly creepy here and admitting that she's all you've been thinking about every waking minute since you first laid eyes on her.  Tell her you're watching that movie she recommended (if this is a lie and just an excuse to start a conversation at least be smart enough to look up what the movie is about) or you just saw a puppy that reminded you of the story she told you about a puppy get the idea.


3.  The Cheese:

Every winning message contains just a tad more than a smidgen of cheese.  Don't completely overdo it (there's really no need to write a poem about her or liken your relationship to that of the pair in The Notebook) but the inclusion of enough cringe to make her laugh a little is always good.  Think Bruno Mars over East 17.  Be cute: Girls love cute.

4.  Balance Banter with Sincerity:

Make the message as playful as you like (once you refrain from being balls-out abusive obviously).   However, if she's overly sensitive about everything at the best of times and she's currently on her period and her childhood pet has just died in a terrible accident that also destroyed her entire MAC collection, clothes, and iPhone, do not start taking the piss out of her weight or something equally insensitive.  That said, most girls do enjoy a bit of flanter.  Think of some running joke you guys have (about how you fancy her best friend or something) and then balance this with something affectionate (like how as much as you want to shift her friend you'd still rather be with her).


5.  Add a Compliment:

You can never go too far wrong with compliments because, quite frankly, bitches love compliments.  Tell her she's pretty, tell her she has amazing eyes or an incredible bum, that she's the coolest person you know or just that she's generally a big ride.  Give her a compliment and she'll be smiling for the day.

6. Exit like a Pro:

If you've been bold, apologise and promise it'll never happen again and if you haven't, just finish by letting her know that that was all you wanted to say.  She'll be flying high for hours to come so all you have to do is sit back and await the rewards.



Maria Leahy

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