Though we hate to admit it, we all fall victim to these awkward situations. But never fear, you never need to repeat these awkward mistakes again, you can easily conquer them with this handy guide.
Watching A Sex Scene With Your Parents
No one ever taught you how to deal with this. School wouldn't touch the subject and your parents sure as shit weren't gonna bring it up. It's that cringe-inducing moment when you realise there's a steamy sex scene on TV and you're sitting beside your parents. A bead of sweat trickles down your face and literally everyone in the room is mortified, but you can't directly acknowledge the issue for fear you'll never be able to face your 'rents again. This scenario can be avoided by checking what's on TV before you sit down with your folks. If The Graham Norton Show is on, you're golden... if it's Game of Thrones, for the love of God, get out of there!
Bumping Into Someone You Only Kinda Know
This invariably leads to small talk, in which neither party are arsed and nobody knows the appropriate etiquette. It's uncharted territory, this person is still largely a stranger and therefore, a danger. A common move here is mutually acknowledged non-acknowledgement: you both wordlessly agree to pretend you didn't see each other. However, you may be perceived as a snobby git, should the other person feel inclined to say "X is an asshole, didn't even say hello to me at the cinema yesterday." Avoid this by being the bigger person, getting in there first with the hellos and howareyas, faster than the other person can say "Ohmygod, hiii!" ...Ah social interaction, you're as subtle and intricate as a well-played game of chess.
When You've Arranged To Meet Someone But They're In The Middle Of A Conversation With Someone You Don't Know And You're Stuck In No Man's Land
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I don't think I need to elaborate on that anymore. There's no subtle way to go about this because sneaking into a conversation is unsettling and creepy. To overcome this obstacle, take a page out of Miley Cyrus's playbook and just swing in like a wrecking ball, barging into the conversation, as if to say "Stop everything, I'm here now!"
The Greeting And Farewell Fiasco
Handshake? Hug? Kiss on the cheek? Fist bump?! Jesus, it's a fucking minefield out there. The truth is, you can opt for any of these greetings and farewells, but you have to commit to one option, be decisive and be the first one to lean in for a hug/hi-5/handshake... or just throw up your fist and say "Bro, you must bump this."
Arriving At A Party Where You Don't Know Anyone
Oooh, a particularly tricky one. Where do I stand? Where do I look? God, what do I do with my hands? You're looking around at all these groups of friends deep in conversation, while you're standing there like a spare tool. Again, it's about diving in - the longer you aimlessly hang around, the more more you'll seem like a dim-witted vagrant who was attracted by the lights. Look for a break in someone's conversation and that's your window to jump in, get your introductions out of the way and jump on that party merry-go-round.
When You And Another Person Are About To Walk Into Each Other, Then You Try To Go Around Each Other But Block Each Other Every Time
This is my nightmare. Again, it's about committing, about being decisive, choosing a direction and openly going for it. This gives on-comers a clear signal that they've gotta make way for you. It sends a message: this is a young go-getter who knows what he wants and not you nor anybody else is gonna get in his way... or he wants to use that ATM just behind you there, yes sorry excuse me thanks a million.
When There Are Visitors In The House But You Can't Be Arsed Meeting Them
Simple fix: hide under your bed and don't dare breathe, while bearing in mind unwanted guests can smell your fear. If you manage to remain perfectly still for approximately three hours, congratulations: you will have successfully avoided the effort of saying hello.
