The gym is a sanctuary for genuine gymers. It's a place where they go to let go. Unfortunately there are always those who impose upon the tranquillity of any sacred space. In relation to gyms, they are the following:
1. January Gymers
Gym people have a love/hate relationship with January. After the overindulgent affair that is Christmas we are excited to put on our new gear and get back into shape. Unfortunately this New Year's buzz is often dashed upon arriving at the gym only to find every self-proclaimed "Yummy Mummy" in the country perched on the machines. The only thing which pulls us through January is the knowledge that they will all have lost hope and moved on to something more suitable (like Zumba perhaps) by February.
2. Smelly Gymers
If you have to sniff it twice do not wear it! There is nothing more nauseating than trying to run next to someone who is wearing the same t-shirt as the one you saw them in yesterday.
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3. The One Who Uses The Broken Machine
Every other crosstrainer in the place is free yet you insist upon using the one which screeches to the high heavens with your every move. You are probably the most hated person in the gym right now but you already know that, don't you? You secretly enjoy it. And you are well aware of the fact that all you have to do in order to make peace with everyone else is switch machine. But you won't. Why? Simply because you're an ass and you like it that way.
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4. The Guy Who is Still Ignoring Leg Day
You don't look good, in fact you actually look like you're going to topple over. You are not built, or hot ,or a beast, or whatever it is that you're aiming for, you just look like a daft triangle.
5. The One Who Came for the Chats
Often overlaps with the infamous "January Gymer" but unfortunately can be found frequenting the gym throughout the year. Usually not in as good shape as they like to believe they are or could be if they didn't bring their "Gym Buddy" with them.
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6. The Fat One in the Sports Bra
Look love, I know you've lost like an entire kilogram this year and you're feeling better than ever with this new bod of yours but for heavens sake look around you! Is any other girl (skinny/fit/otherwise) wearing just a sports bra? Unless you have abs do us all a favour and put on a bloody t-shirt.
7. The One Who's Doing it Wrong
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There's always that one guy/girl (more often than not found in the core room) who's just doing whatever it is that they're trying to do completely arseways. Just watching them brings to mind your mother's rugby commentary: "Oh God! Sure all their backs will be ruined forever if they stay going with that carry on".
8. The One Who's All Talk
Often heard boasting with idiotic statements like "I did 1 million squats yesterday and I still don't feel a thing". Please leave, and bring the friend who taught you to squat (aka "The One Who's Doing it Wrong") with you. Thanks.
