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8 Lies To Tell Americans On Your J1

8 Lies To Tell Americans On Your J1

Americans are some of the soundest people you will ever meet. They are also some of the most gullable. Anything that is ever so slightly out of their comfort zone is where to catch them. If you're heading off Stateside for a J1 then you'll soon find yourself telling excitable Americans that yes, you are Irish.For a country that is so eager to jump on the "I'm Irish" brigade the vast majority know shit all about Ireland. Some to spruce up the many hungover days you are likely to have then have a few little white lies to fill your new American friends with. Here are some of the best ones to tell Americans on your J1.

1) "We don't have Wednesdays in Ireland."

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I've heard of this one being used numerous times but it always works a treat. "Oh in Ireland we only have 6 days in a week." "Oh Really? Prove it."  "Ok, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday." "OHMYGAWD that's insane!" This seems to be the only evidence needed. Just pretend to be surprised when every Wednesday rolls around.

2) "We only got electricity on the mainland last year."

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"Do you guys have electricity in Ireland?" I almost wish this one was plucked from my fuzzy brain but no, I was asked this question by an American. Roll with it.  Flick a light switch on and off with a face of pure joy and open the fridge in total monkey like state. They'll fall for it.

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3) "It rains every single day in Ireland."

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This one is not that far fetched in fairness. It probably rains 355 days a year out in Connemara but alas, just pretend to be blindsided by the Sunshine you'll encounter in America. "WHAT IS THIS?"

4) "Nowhere in Ireland is more than an hour apart."

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If you haven't travelled much before your J1 then you may be slightly overwhelmed by the sheer size of America. It'll take you longer to get to the nearest town than it'd take you to get from Donegal to Cork on a bike. It makes you appreciate how compact Ireland is so work Irelands minuscule nature to the the max. It's not that far off the truth anyway.

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5) " What's the Six degrees of Separation? In Ireland we all know one another."

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Again, this isn't too far removed from the truth in certain parts of the country. "Oh you're from Ireland, do you know Paddy from Galway?" What a fucking insult, how dare you presume that..Oh wait, Paddy from Oranmore? "I DO ACTUALLY!"

6) "Sex before marriage is illegal."

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Forty years ago (or in your Granny's eyes) this would have been pretty accurate. Thankfully Ireland has moved with the times (finally) and getting the ride is now not a crime punishable by flogging. All of the college students and J1'ers out there can breath a large sigh of relief  but the Americans will be horrified for you poor frustrated creatures.

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7) "21? FUCK off. We've all been legal since we were 13."

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Oh Jesus, if only those poor sheltered Americans could see our nations youth outside the 'Wez' on a pissy night out, arses hanging out, hair gelled into a cone and shampoo bottles filled with "Doddy's foinest whiskey". Yes, we may be able to drink more because we have a good 9 year head start on them, but maybe it's not always a good thing...

8) " All Irish people are actually ginger, we just dye over it."

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Americans may get a little disappointed when they meet Irish people with brown/ blonde or black hair. It's like going to the Zoo and not seeing the Lions. So just humour them and tell them the above lie. Oh and lay off the fake tan and let your inner ice cream skin shine on through, they'll love that.

Alison Keogh
Article written by
Alison decided to follow a sensible career route and chose to study Media. She happens to think of herself as a kind of Irish Beyonce after four Coronas, which usually results in her being deserted on the dance-floor by her loving friends. Her horrifically short attention span seeps into many aspects of her life, resulting in her half hearing important facts and hating people who walk at a leisurely pace.

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