We've all been there. It's Friday night. You're bored, restless, giddy. Fuck it, you'll go out. You ring your boyfriend and it'll take roughly forty seconds to convince him to come out too. Fantastic. You're pumped, you're having fun, you're..oh shit, you're drunk. There are many people with whom you should get drunk but speaking from experience, your boyfriend is not one of them. Here's are 9 reasons why you shouldn't get drunk with your boyfriend;
1) One Of You Will Inevitably Get Messy, Fast
It's a rare and unusual event for two people to be at the exact same level of drunk. One of you will most definitely get horrendously, ugly levels of messy, fast. If it's you, then you'll immediately feel bad about it and attempt to sober up by drinking a pint of water. This won't work in the slightest, but don't let that stop you. If it's your boyfriend, you'll have to refrain yourself from leaving him behind in a toilet. Maybe don't do that....
2) Meaning The Other Will Have To Babysit
If it's you who needs some TLC, then at least you're in capable hands. Depending on your state, you might just need to be ushered into a chipper and force fed grease, or you may have to be carried from the club like an overgrown, undressed baby. If it's your boyfriend though, and unless you're the muscles in your relationship, then you may have a problem. Seek help, fast.
3) Someone Will Be A Little Too Honest
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I unfortunately, am one of those people who, upon drinking approximately six millimeters of anything over 5%, will gladly tell everyone from the barman to the crying girl in the toilets about my innermost woes. One, if not both of you in the relationship is entirely likely to do this on a drunk night out and it spells disaster the next day. What did you just say? Too much, that's what.
4) Playing Keepy Uppy With A Man Can Be Fatal
Sure, there are some women out there who can drink their body weight in alcoholic beverages and for that, I applaud you. For the other ninety percent of the female population though, trying to maintain a steady pace alongside your boyfriend rarely ends in success. No, what it usually ends in is vomit, tears, and a roaring hangover. You're better off sticking to bottles of West Coast Cooler Rosé with the hunzos, trust me on this.
5) Fights Are Likely To Be On The Cards
When one or even both of you are drunk off your heads in a dark place filled with loud, aggressive music, chances are that you'll find something to bang heads about. Someone checked someone out, someone keeps checking their phone, they're shit fun, why won't they dance with you? On a normal occasion, none of these things would pose a problem but, drunk equals dramatic and maybe even aggressive. Let's just agree to disagree, shall we?
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6) You Can't Creep In Peace
I'm not in any way suggesting that a night out without your boyfriend is an excuse to cheat and enjoy yourself with every male that tickles your fancy. That's really not ok, imagine how pissed you'd be, were the tables reversed. No, what I'm saying is that having a chat, a dance and some good clean fun with your girlfriends is totally normal and, in fact, very necessary. With your boyfriend constantly by your side, you're bound to get a little bored and frustrated. Get out there and enjoy being by yourself too.
7) If You Get A Little Tipsy, Chances Are He'll Be A Killjoy About It
We all know at least one person that we'd prefer to spend time with when they're under the influence, so to speak. Alcohol really suits some people to the point where it makes them more outgoing, sociable and generally just more fun. Just as this is true though, alcohol can turn others from generally decent human beings into complete and utter assholes. You're probably not quite sure which one you are, but if you're buzzing on a night out, so to speak, and your boyfriend is doing everything in his power to bring you back down to earth, then you're hardly going to have a great night now, are you?
8) You'll Probably Spend A Small Fortune
When you're on a night out with your boyfriend, unless you're a gold digging scabby scrounger, you're probably taking it in turns to buy one another drinks, meaning that you'll feel as though you owe them and therefore you'll be drinking a shit load of alcohol. This all adds up and before you know it you've spent €500 euro between the two of you and you can't afford to eat for the next fortnight. Or something like that.
9) And As For Drunk Sex?
Drunk sex does what it says on the tin. Not much. It's like trying to fit your key into the door as quietly and subtly as possible when you're roaringly pissed and just want to rave. It's just not easy. The good thing about being drunk with your boyfriend is that you're both probably horny as fuck, so you go home early, expecting to lose all inhibitions and just do one another until the sun comes up. In reality, you'll lose motivation, he'll lose his hard on and you'll both pass out in a puddle of your own drool. Sexy.
