Door-to-door sales are, sadly, a trial that many people subject themselves to. There always seems to be jobs going with these companies, often sneakily disguised as 'Marketing' positions.
Door-to-door is one of the most soul destroying jobs, here are some of the harshest trials.
1. Your morning meeting is like The Wolf Of Wall Street but sad
It takes a lot of motivation and enthusiasm to knock on endless, endless doors. So your team leader will force you to partake in a loud, macho, and over-cheerful morning ritual before you go out. Everyone on your team will half-heartedly participate, if only to humour your manager.
2. The endless, sprawling estates
When you are tasked to travel across a housing estate you will finally understand what sprawling, labyrinthian edifices they are. An hour in you'll begin to wonder if you're going to be able to find your way out.
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3. The doors being slammed in your face
When people do finally answer the door to you, one of two things could happen: they'll often regard you with open confusion, assuming you to be someone else, or they'll sneer contemptuously at you.
Either way, often the next thing you can expect is a kurt dismissal and a door slammed in your face.
The constant door slamming will set a dreadful rhythm for your day. Each time you hear a latch snap back into place you'll die a little inside.
4. Ruining your shoes
Your day will consist of trudging along for miles upon miles along bleak grey pavements, this will take a toll on your soul and your soles. No good shoes can endure the endless walking for long.
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The worst thing is you can't wear runners, so you had better hope that the shoes you select are forgiving to your feet.
5. The furious dogs
Dogs are great, they're furry, cheerful and make everything better. However, for some reason when you approach the house as a sales person they turn into four legged balls of rage and teeth.
The bigger dogs can be imposing, but the real threat comes from the terrier-sized pups. They often use ambush tactics, exploding out of a hedge or from around a corner, they always target the ankles with their needle-sharp teeth.
6. The dog's terrifying owners
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If you somehow make it past the guard pup you'll find that you have to contend with an adversary with a worse temper, and even worse breath. The dog's owner.
Furious dogs always seem to have furious owners, they'll answer the door and regard you with open contempt, ignoring the fact that their west highland terrier is milling into your calves like a hungover student milling into a Boojum.
7. Your carefully rehearsed "off-the-cuff" jokes
After hundreds of doors you'll eventually lapse into a routine. You'll plaster the same smile across your face, and recite the same off the cuff greeting. At some point you would have picked up a cheesy joke that you'll deploy again and again.
'Nice day!', you'll exclaim looking up at the rain before adding, 'For ducks!', the person at the door will smile, more out of pity than anything else and you'll launch into your awful sales pitch.
8. The awkward cup of tea in an old lady's house
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Sooner or later some old dear will answer the door to you and welcome you in, she'll have no interest in buying anything, but she will offer you a cup of tea. Then, you'll have to sit there, for what feels like an eternity, meekly sipping at your tea and making small talk. After a few minutes you'll finish your tea, but you can't leave yet, you mustn't be rude.
You'll end up spending the guts of an hour perched uncomfortably on a threadbare couch admiring her doily collection.
9. "No, I'm not a Jehovah's Witness."
Often you'll have to dress respectably for your shift for your door-to-door sales, sadly a downside of this is that people may often think that you're a Jehovah's Witness on mission.
This will be entertaining the first few times. It will rapidly become incredibly tedious.
