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9 Ways To Keep Warm That All Chronically Cold People Should Know

9 Ways To Keep Warm That All Chronically Cold People Should Know

The weather is set to be fierce cold over the weekend. There's nothing worse than shivering then little hole off yourself, it's important to keep as warm as possible. Some people are always  cold no matter what, so we've collected the top tips that tell you how to keep warm.

1. Put on more layers

Extra layers will trap more insulating layers of air, protecting you from the frigid outside temperatures.

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2. Wear a hat

45% of your body heat escapes through your head. Keep your brain case nice and toasty by plopping a hat onto it.

3. Keep active

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Keeping active will cause your body to increase it's metabolic processes and generate more body heat! This will keep the chill away all day.

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4. Stop complaining

None of those work? Well frankly I'm sick to my core of hearing your incessant, pathetic, and cantankerous whinging, keep it to yourself and suffer in silence please. Did you know in German a common insult is "Warmduscher" it means "warm shower taker", that's you, that's what you are when you whine.

5. Get over yourself

Did you know that feeling the cold is a sign of poor moral fortitude? Did you know that shivering is a personal failing and a sign of sexual perversion?

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I can't even look at you right now.

Just stop being cold. I did, look at me I'm not cold at all. You know why? Because I have a moral compass and a backbone.

6. Put on a thick layer of blubber like the noble walrus

The walrus, the most upstanding of all marine-mammals, never feels the cold despite making its home in frigid atlantic waters. This is because of it's thick, rolling layers of blubber.

Run down to Dealz and buy as many multi-packs of chocolate as you can. Sit and gorge upon them, eat and eat until you have developed thick insulating layers of life-give flab.

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7. Allow all your bodily fluids to freeze completely like the noble wood frog

The Canadian wood frog doesn't fight the cold. It becomes the cold. When the temperatures plummet, it welcomes the chill into its very being. The ice consumes it, only its blood remains liquid thanks to a natural anti-freeze it produces.

8. Hibernate like the noble bear

The majestic bear deign to engage with the cold. It retreats into the ground and sleep through the biting cold of the winter months. Be the bear; gorge upon nuts and berries to sustain you through the depths of winter, retreat to your den and slumber.

Then, in the spring you will awake and emerge from your den to mate, feed, maul hikers, and shit in the woods.

 

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9.Cut open and sleep in the guts of a taunton like the noble Mark Hamil

Also read:The 18 Shit Struggles Everyone Who Gets The Bus Will Understand

Also read: Malteser Bags Have Shrunk And People Are Losing The Arse Over It

 

CollegeTimes Staff
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